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Saturday, December 7, 2013

Pearl’s a singer. She stands up when she plays the piano. In a nightclub.

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for SayerDee, December 7st, 2013.  A day that will limp in infancy.  Whatever the hell THAT means.  Although Pearl Necklace Day seems an extremely fitting end to Picturing Blair (Ren? (Chad?)) In The Buff Week…

Happy Birthday, meanwhile, to Nadia, who turns twenty-four today, although it is unclear to Us where.  Also, Happy Birthday to Greg, who also turns twenty-four today, right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

It is difficult, when One has nothing to say for five days a week, to stretch that nothing to fill seven days.  But, as that is what HoliDailies ( ) demands that We do, Ours not to reason why, Ours but to pie in the sky, here’s mud in your eye, fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly…


Meanwhile, when We checked this morning, in Milwaukee, West Wisconsonomington (which is where thinks We live), it was one degree.  ONE DEGREE!!!  Singular!  Which is one degree less than two degrees.  Somebody needs to hurry his hind parts back to civilization before his damn ballz fall off.

In still other news We are once again sharing with you Our very most favoritest Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope  video (Sagittarius) with you (see above).  Here is the link with which you may share it with others:  You’re welcome.

And here’s the HorrorScope…

It is C. Thomas Howell’s birthday.  Which means, of course, that We are compelled to say “C. Thomas Howell.  C. Thomas Howell run.”  Hey, We don’t make the rules.

You have got to sit down and make plans today (Oh, NOW you tell Us.  When We sat down earlier, “plans” is not what We made.)

(The only thing better than a poop joke is a stealth poop joke.  (A stealth poop joke is, of course, a joke where We don’t actually SAY “poop”, but We make you THINK “poop” nonetheless.  Poop thinkers.  (Any joke, meanwhile, is improved by the presence of the word “nonetheless”.)))

(Comedy.  It’s not just for breakfast any more.)

— otherwise, you may find that things are too crazy to handle.  (Alternatively, too hazy to crandle.)

Your energy is just right for at least one major distraction, but no more than that.  (Wow.  Is it just Us, or does that somehow sound as though We’re differently-abled?)

You don’t mind helping the other members of a group if they get stuck and need your assistance — that’s why you work well as part of a team. (And, as We all know, there is no “I” in “team”.  There are, however, two of “U” in “Uranus”.)

Your actions prove you are good at taking orders as well as carrying them out, plus you can also be a fantastic leader. (Fantastic (adj.): imaginary or groundless in not being based on reality; foolish or irrational.)

But this is a good time to hang out in the background and learn from someone else’s knowledge. (Okay, who’s well-hung in the background?)

It shouldn’t take long to emerge as one of the team’s strongest members, which could definitely lead to some excellent opportunities for you.  (Not much of a team then, izzit?)

You’ve got momentum, (Not to mention Imodium™.)

(We were going to make an inertia joke, but then We realized that poop is way funnier than physics.)

and some great energy is coming your way, too. (That’s what they say to people as they strap them into the electric chair.)

If someone special is on your mind, let them know. (Good lord…how many “Picturing Somebody Nekkid” weeks do We need to have to get sexted a damn dirty picture already?)

(Not to mention the concern We expressed for the blue-ening of ballz in West Wisconsonomington.)

If you’re feeling at loose ends, look for new possibilities, online and in real life.  (Is it possible that there are no possibilities?  Because it would seem that there is no possibility that there are no possibilities.  Is puzzlement.)

Happy Picturing Blair (Ren? (Chad?)) In The Buff Week!

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.