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Thursday, December 12, 2013

You know from her maddening poise, effortless whirl…she's a special girl

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for ThurstonHowellTheThird’sThirdThirstyThrowBackThursdayInThurgoodMarshall’sThermals, December Twelbf, Twenny-Thurrrrrrrrrteen.

Happy Birthday to Walt, who turns twenty-four today somewhere in the neighborhood of The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

In other news, who has opposable thumbs and will be performing not once, but TWICE in Centre Theatre’s Independent Voices Festival in January?  That’s right, ladies and genitals, this Foul-mouthed, All-knowing Goddess! (Madd props to Our co-worker Katy for the appellation…We only just noticed the acronym.)

That’s right, mark your calendars for Sunday, January 12 at 8PM and Friday, January 17 at 8PM, in Beautiful Downtown Norristown for the triumphant return of LOOKING FOR URANUS:Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour!

Check out the SitOnOurFaceBook event ( (FYI That is NOT Our mouth in the logo.)), and keep your eyes glued…GLUED, goddammit…to this space for further developments (We don’t even think tickets are available yet, but you, Gentle Readers, will be the first to know when they are, so you can snatch (heh) them up.)

This will not, as you may have guessed, be the only reminder you will receive of this upcoming event.  Stay tuned also for other appearances in the Greater Philadelphia Area and up and down the Eastern Seaboard.  Because Starzina is nothing if not peripatetic.  (Also poetic and chic.)

In still other news We are once again sharing with you Our very most favoritest Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope  video (Sagittarius) with you (see above).  Here is the link with which you may share it with others:  You’re welcome.

And here’s the HorrorScope…

Meanwhile, today, on a very special episode of Blossom, it’s Mayim Bialik’s birthday.  So there’s that.

Also, We just this very minute learned that it is the 41st anniversary of the premiere of The Poseidon Adventure.  Thereby giving Eric Shea one more minute of relevance.

Your natural curiosity is on overdrive right now, (We wonder if that’s really true….)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

and you should find it easier than ever to dig up clues on your favorite new obsessions.  (Okay, this “digging” business?  Sounds like work.  We could break a nail.  Fuck that noise.)

 Explore far beyond your usual haunts, if possible.  (Do you have any idea how cold it is outside?  Let’s just stay in and explore Uranus, shall We?)

You’ve always felt that it is better to keep your mouth closed and appear a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.   (Sorry…have you MET Us?)

At the moment, however, you have a lot on your mind  (Oh, We *KNOW*!  Like the fact that “fitness” and “fatness” are only one letter apart.  And Justin Bieber’s birthday is March 1st.  As Marcel Marceau said:

— and in your heart — and you really want to let it all out. (Also, shout shout.  As in “Shout, shout, let it all out”.  Which is that old Tears For Fears song.  (D’y’suppose We could get a coupla str8 bois together and form a  band called “Three-Beer Queers”?  Get back to Us on that, wouldja?))

So stop worrying about seeming a fool.  (Oh, please.  If they’re paying money to see Us, We’ll seem any damn thing they please.)

First off, you won’t. (Also, clap on, clap off, the Clapper™.)

(We have no idea.  Just go with it.)

The only thing you’ll seem like is a fool in love — and there’s nothing better. (Indeed.  Because the fool on the hill is just stupid.)

 If you’ve been all talk and no action lately, (Or all caulk and no traction?)

(No, really…think about it.)

(No, THINK about it…)


start practicing what you preach to set a good example.  (We are ALWAYS a good example.  It just depends as to good example of WHAT.)

People appreciate your dedication to keeping it real. (And We can feel that appreciation rolling in in waves as they neglect to return Our phone calls or answer Our texts…)

(Perhaps We should begin keeping it SURreal.)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.