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Friday, January 2, 2015

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg,  January Twoth, 2015.

We don’t want to be disgusting (much), so We won’t go into great detail about the quantity of things that are issuing forth from the humungous pimple on the side of Our nose.  However, We’re fairly certain We’ve found the Lindbergh baby.  And Amelia Earhart.  Or at least her purse.

Also, Happy New Year.

(Remind Us to come back here and insert a joke about Justin Bieber’s balls dropping.)

Happy Birthday to Robby, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back. 

Happy Birthday also to Joe, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.  Joe directs all of Our videos (about which more later), as well as Our one-Ass(tromalogical)-Ho(roscopulist) show, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour,  which We hope to resurrect in the new year.

We stayed in and hid from the new year yesterday, so We have little or nothing to report.  (We were mourning Our future ex-husband Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s marriage to Someone Else. (If you missed yesterday’s e-pissode, there’s much more there there than there is there here, so check it out: ))

Although there is, randomly, courtesy of Catherine (with whom We shall be appearing at the Murder Mystery Factory tonight…and there are still plenty of tickets available, so hit Us up if you want an amazing discount), this:

And check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award  here:

and go to the e-ntry directly here:

Here is the link with which you may share Our Capricorn video with both of your friends:

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Capricorn video:

Upon reflection, these two videos are amongst Our much more densely-plotted cinematic efforts, due to the fact that Our director actually is a Capricorn (although quite unlike the unseen character from the videos).

We often ponder, in the endless time afforded to Us by the fact that We are almost universally ignored, how many of Our Gentle Readers actually realize that, if viewed in order, Our videos actually have ongoing plots and storylines.  Then, of course, We realize that Our Gentle Readers are all imaginary, and we curl up into the fetal position…

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here:  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.


In “celebrity” birthday news, Our “celebrity” birthday website lists no fewer than FIVE “web video stars” born today.  We’ve never heard of any of them, and We’re certainly not going to dignify them with a mention herein.  Except, of course, for “web video star” Faze Dirty, but only because We want to get to say “Faze Dirty naked”.

 Does it occur to no one that We are a web video star of whom no one has ever heard?

And, of course, that forcing Us to say things like “Faze Dirty naked” is a sacrilegious violation of ACTUAL celebrity Gabrielle Carteris’s birthday?

And now, as time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future, and We need to ablute Ourself in preparation for the Murder Mystery Factory, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is A Reading From Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

It is very good to see you again.

Madame Olivia doesn't want to interrupt your labors but this might be a good time to think about the spiritual aspect of things: the Oneness, the Great Other, the Timeless, the Unseen. A moment of open-ended reflection in the day, every day, will suffice, and you will be suffused with widened perspective and refreshment. On a personal note, every morning Madame Olivia enjoys doing one yoga pose and brain-singing a line from a song: Who knows One?/ I know One/ One Spirit,/Of heaven and earth. It opens up the day ahead.

Dear Aries, Madame Olivia has a soft spot in her heart for you, and so admires you when you are assertive. And also, of course, when you are not! Just take care with your presentation. It's a PR thing: the basic product (you) is solid and kind and eminently worth listening to. It's good to be your own strong self, especially now. Everyone will benefit.

Remember that you are in an ocean of love

Madame Olivia sends to you her own positive energy and best wishes for your continued journey.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne
 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.