If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow…

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  Friday, February 15, 2013.

We will be playing The VD Match Game tonight and tomorrow at 7:30 at L’Etage.  We trust We shall see you there.  The doors open at 7.  You can buy tickets here http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/331562 or buy them at the door.  Which We will be working, because We’re classy like that.

 We notice that no one could be bothered to participate in Our contest yesterday.  Presumably you are saving up all of your energies for The VD Match Game.  Here, for those who nakedly skimmed past it, is the set-up for said contest:

“Speaking of Monsieur Johnny Depp (sigh), this is an historic Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! occasion for another reason.  Our Google-O-Meter™’s Google-O-Metrix™, by way of the handy and dandy index off to the right there, inform Us that today marks Our one-hundredth mention of Monsieur Depp within these hallowed pages.  As there are currently about seven hundred of these e-pisstles here in Bloggonia, that means that, if We had (subjunctively) been writing these every day of the week for a hundred weeks, We would have mentioned Monsieur Depp every Thursday, say, despite Monday’s child being fair of face which seats five, and despite still wearing Our Tuesday panties.  Do you follow?

You do?  God bless Us and save Us!  (That was pretty Papal, wunnit?)  So here’s a little game, especially for Our long-time Gentle Readers.  In addition to Monsieur Depp, there are twelve other celebrities who appear in our index more than twenty times.  (Any analogy to Jesus and the twelve apostles is purely intentional.  (Hey, Wer’e gonna be the fuckin’ Pope…are you gonna tell Us We’re wrong?))  Without cheating by looking off to the right there, how many can you name?  Leave your answers in the comments below.  (Here’s a hint:  Anne Frank, who has already been referenced in today’s e-pissode, isn’t one of them.)  We’ll supply answers tomorrow.”

It being the aforementioned tomorrow, here are the answers in question:

Charlene Tilton (81) If you don’t remember that period, you either have skid marks on your naked skimmer or you’re very, very new.

Justin Bieber (77) And, just because We’re especially cranky this morning, here’s his video:

Helen Keller (64) We’d’ve thought that number would be larger, but seeing is Beliebing.

Cher (41) We don’t really talk about Cher as much as We probably should, but We do have a propensity for saying “Cher and Cher alike”.

(See that there?  “Propensity”.  Smart people are hot, no?)

Charles Nelson Reilly (35) No comment.

Prince Harry (32) Won’t Charles be pleased to see himself on top of Prince Harry?

(Is anyone else now imagining an especially ribald set of new lyrics to the children’s song “On Top Of Spaghetti”?   Just Us?  Alrighty, then.)

(See that there?  “Ribald”.  Smart people…oh, never mind.)

Willam Belli (30) Willam is the only bona fide celebrity that We actually know, so We are thinking that a mere thirty mentions in just over three years shows admirable restraint.  Or Admiral Nelson’s taint.  One of those. (Meanwhile, didja know that if you say “bona fide” with a southern accent it sounds like “boner fried”?  Seriously.  Try it right now.  We’ll wait.)

(See?)

 Prince William (29) We used to mention him way more in Our pre-Bloggonia days, but then he started looking like his dad and got all married and shit, and his brother suddenly got way hotter.  (Who the hell’s voice was THAT?)

Justin Timberlake (26)  We have no idea.

William Shakespeare (23)  Because We are SO classy, you’ll be tempted to eat Us with a fork.

Uma Thurman (22) This is another one where We’d’ve thought the number would be way higher.  We feel like We say that all the time.

Gene Rayburn (21) Because, did We mention, We will be playing The VD Match Game tonight and tomorrow at 7:30 at L’Etage.  We trust We shall see you there.  The doors open at 7.  You can buy tickets here http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/331562 or buy them at the door.  Which We will be working, because We’re classy like that.

Here is a little Aquarius fillum, for Our birthday Aquarians:

And here are the HorrorScopes:

Today is Harold Arlen’s birthday.  Arlen, of course, wrote the gay national anthem Over the Rainbow.  Speaking of gay, it is also Cesar Romero’s birthday.

You’re blazing new trails (Is that your way of saying We’re flaming?)

(On a scale of one to Cesar-Romero-in-his-Joker-costume, how flaming would that be?)

and making the world more fun today (Who can turn the world on in argyle?  Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all Gomer Pyle?)

(Sorry.)

 — even if you’re just going about your daily business.  (POOP!)

Your tremendous personal energy (Oh, please.)

keeps things lively and engaging for all!  (Engaged?  We haven’t even been out of Our house with another human being since the last week of January.)

You can make huge strides forward today (In these shoes?)

— if you let your ambition take over. (Just don’t mix up Ambien™ with your ambitchin’.)

It can lead you to a success you have deserved for a long time, but you’re going to have to swallow your pride in order to follow it. (Honey, We have swallowed things a lot bigger than Our pride.)

When you show you can be a team player (There may be no “I” in “team”, but there is a big “U” in “Uranus”.)

and work for the greater good, those in power take notice — and they will be impressed by your selflessness.  (What?  Are We not supposed to be Ourself?  Who, then, shall We be?  Shall We be a clown?  Does all the world truly love a clown?)

(Ya know, if We went back over that and made all of Our pentameters iambic, that would be almost downright fucking Shakespearean.  GodDAMN, We be classy!)

Don’t be surprised (SURPRISE!!!)

if some day quite soon they ask you to step up and take on bigger responsibilities.  (Oh, sure…pretend it’s OUR responsibility.  We’re just here to be your damn scapegoat.)

Country line dancing, anyone?  (What da fuq you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?  We be playin’ da got-damn VD Match Game.  Country line dancing, Our black ass!)

An offbeat social event (What’s that?  A Naked Skimmers Anonymous meeting?)

is certain to be packed with cool people (So is a morgue.)

— and it comes with a built-in icebreaker!  (Well, ya got Us there.)

Check the net for local events and check ’em out! (Oh, yes, by all means.  Lettuce just toddle on over to Wikipedia, and Google “local events”, and We’ll just see how THAT works out.)

(AssHat.)

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

Is your figure less than Greek?

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  Thursday, February 14, 2013.  Long-time Gentle Readers are no doubt anticipating an anti-VD screed this morning, but, quite Anne Frankly (she’s in the attic!!!), We are much too excited about Our impending Popedom to be concerned with the sticky interactions of mere mortals.  Especially since We learned that, once We have ascended to the Popal Throne, We will become infallible!  We shall no doubt have to rebrand these e-pisstles as A Papal Bull.  (Not that that’s much of a stretch.)   One wonders if Our infallibility will cure typos retroactively?

The other reason We are not all up on Our anti-VD high-horse-powered unicorn is that We have received, once again, Our annual VD billet-doux from the elusive, shy, retiring Monsieur Johnny Depp. (Did anyone else just say that with a Frawnch accent and come in their Own panties?   Just Us?  Alrighty, then.  (Hey, why do these still say “Tuesday”?))

Speaking of Monsieur Johnny Depp (sigh), this is an historic Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! occasion for another reason.  Our Google-O-Meter™’s Google-O-Metrix™, by way of the handy and dandy index off to the right there, inform Us that today marks Our one-hundredth mention of Monsieur Depp within these hallowed pages.  As there are currently about seven hundred of these e-pisstles here in Bloggonia, that means that, if We had (subjunctively) been writing these every day of the week for a hundred weeks, We would have mentioned Monsieur Depp every Thursday, say, despite Monday’s child being fair of face which seats five, and despite still wearing Our Tuesday panties.  Do you follow?

You do?  God bless Us and save Us!  (That was pretty Papal, wunnit?)  So here’s a little game, especially for Our long-time Gentle Readers.  In addition to Monsieur Depp, there are twelve other celebrities who appear in our index more than twenty times.  (Any analogy to Jesus and the twelve apostles is purely intentional.  (Hey, Wer’e gonna be the fuckin’ Pope…are you gonna tell Us We’re wrong?))  Without cheating by looking off to the right there, how many can you name?  Leave your answers in the comments below.  (Here’s a hint:  Anne Frank, who has already been referenced in today’s e-pissode, isn’t one of them.)  We’ll supply answers tomorrow.

Speaking of old men in dresses and ruby slippers,  We shall be playing The VD Match Game on Friday and Saturday, February 15 and 16, at 7:30 at L’Etage.  You can obtain tickets here http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/331562 and find more info here
http://www.facebook.com/events/279672565493605/  Our Sistah Ovella, for those of you who know her, will be playing also.

Here is a little Aquarius fillum, for Our birthday Aquarians:

And here are the HorrorScopes:

Wow!  Not only VD, not only Our 100^th mention of Monsieur Johnny Depp (sigh), but also Thelma Ritter’s birthday!  Does it get any better than this?  (If she were (subjunctively) still with Us, Thelma would be 101 today.  Like the Dalmatians.

Your instincts are guiding you to explore new territory (And just wait till you see Us mark it.)

— so get out there and mix it up with new people, places and things!  (Nouns!  They’re not just for breakfast anymore.)

You can’t go wrong as long as you are out there making discoveries.  (Of course We can’t; We’re infallible.  (Of course, this does beg the question of what happens if We TRY to go wrong…))

Today is one of those days (Indeed.)

when the more organized you are, the more you will enjoy yourself. (No worries there.)

So do yourself a favor  (Because damn skippy nobody else will.)

and start the day by evaluating what needs to be done and how you are going to go about doing it. (Won’t We have people for that?  Papal people?  Who use PayPal™?  (Are the luckiest people in the world… ))

 (Sorry.)

But making a plan doesn’t necessarily have to kill any chance of spontaneity (We have spontaneity on Our calendar for 4:15.)

— it just lays out a nice road map for you to follow.  (Is it a yellow brick road map?)

(Was that a really gay question?)

Feel free to go off the beaten path here and there, but when you do be thoughtful about it. (There are so many things wrong with that sentence, We don’t even know where to begin.)

(The correct answer, meanwhile to the “Was that a really gay question?” question is, “As gay as a bag full of dicks.”  You’re welcome.)

Keep things simple (Easy for you to say.)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

and pace yourself.  (“Pace yourself before you mace yourself” just doesn’t have the same ring as “check yourself before you wreck yourself”. Discuss.)

You’re all about fresh starts (Stretch farts…there’s the punchline; somebody write the joke for Us.)

and new opportunities, but your energy is pushing you to apply it to the romantic present (There are presents?  Yay!)

instead of the future.  (Where’s Our damn stretch farts joke?)

Figure it out right away.  (Don’t tell Us what to do!  We are the fucking POPE, fercrissakes!)

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

You're fat as a horse and find that you're knocked up

 Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  Wednesday, February 13, 2013.  Happy Birthday to Fran, who turns twenty-four today somewhere in suburbia.  And, to the rest of YouPeople, Happy Hash Wednesday.  Also, Happy Chinese New Year.      Welcome to the Chinese Year of the Trouser Snake.  But don’t be alarmed…it’s Chinese.  So the trousers are pajamas, and the snake is an inchworm.  Also also, Happy VD Eve.  Which is like Summer’s Eve™, but with thirty-seven percent more douche.  Why “douche” doesn’t rhyme with “touché”, We’ll never know.

As you can see, William Faulkner’s urine stream of consciousness continues to have nothing on Us.

Remember, man, that thou fart dust; they cancelled As the World Turns.

Do you think We could get His Popeness to explain that to Us real quick before he goes off to play golf, or tat doilies, or whatever it is that retired Popes do with themselves?  Oh, wait…there hasn’t BEEN a retired Pope since 1415.

Naturally, We are only jesting like this to distract Ourself from Our upcoming audition for Popehood.  We don’t want to get overconfident.  Although We’re pretty sure We’ve got the whole thing in the bag.  We’ve decided to sing “Tap Your Troubles Away” from Mack and Mabel for Our upbeat number, and “Defying Gravity” from Wicked for Our ballad.  And for Our monologue, We’re going completely off the board and doing Sojourner Truth’s Ain’t I A Woman.  None of the other candidates will be doing THAT.

But the thing that has Us the MOST excited is that we have just this minute learned that the Pope…is INFALLIBLE!  And, as you all know, We thought We were wrong once, but We were MISTAKEN!  Talk about a shoe-in!  To demonstrate Our infallibility, We thought that, for Our dance number, We’d perform all seven parts of the “Who’s That Woman?” number from Follies.  Sondheim is pretty infallible, right?  Even if he did write the music for Dick Tracy.

Speaking of old men in dresses and ruby slippers,  We shall be playing The VD Match Game on Friday and Saturday, February 15 and 16, at 7:30 at L’Etage.  You can obtain tickets here http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/331562 and find more info here
http://www.facebook.com/events/279672565493605/  Our Sistah Ovella, for those of you who know her, will be playing also.

Here is a little Aquarius fillum, for Our birthday Aquarians:

And here are the HorrorScopes:

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more festive, it is Stockard Channing’s sixty-ninth birthday!  Which means she was thirty-four when she played a high school student in Grease. Math is hard.

Your active energy is making life a lot more interesting (We thought We smelled something.)

— and your friends and colleagues are more than willing to let you lead the way!  (Lazy bastards.)

Don’t think too hard, (No worries there.)

just take action.  (We are fairly certain that it was Sir Isaac Newton who said, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite inaction”.  A fact of which We pride Ourself of being the (barely) living proof.  (Sir Isaac Newton was better known, naturally, for inventing the Fig Newton™.  Because, seriously, would you rather have physics, or cookies?))

A very unique culture is inspiring you right now, (Indeed.  It has taken over most of the crisper in Our fridge.)

so today you need to start trying to integrate it into your life more. (Honey, We’re already doing Sojourner Truth; how much more integrated can We get?)

Whether you do it through the food you eat, the music you listen to, or the places you hang out in, immersing yourself in something new will invigorate you and fill you with an incredible sense that anything is possible.  (Don’t fuck with Us…We’re infallible.)

Take a real break and get out in the world, experiencing all the light and the heat.  (Bitch, it is February.  Back AWAY from the crackpipe.)

Tonight, do something participatory — go dancing or hit a karaoke bar — instead of just watching passively. (Oh. Our. God.  We should totally go be infallible at a karaoke bar!)

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.

                                                                                                                                    

Just call me “Angel of the Morning”, Angel.

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for  GoodPieRupeeTunesDay, February 12, 2013. Happy Birthday to Greg, who turns twenty-four today.  Also, Happy Fat Tuesday to all of Our Fat Readers.  (Was that a fat joke?  Because it sounded like a fat joke.  (How does One tell the difference between a fat joke and a phat joke?))

You will be pleased to hear that Our headshot and résumé are winging their way to the Vatican for Round One of The Pope Auditions as We speak.  We also sent two audition videos.  It was difficult to narrow it down, as We have so many cinematic efforts to choose from, but We finally settled on this one, which is thematically relevant, because it has an angel in it:

…and this one, because it has an altar boy.  (Well, okay, it’s Justin Bieber.  What’s the matter, you’ve never heard of transubstantiation?)

Speaking of old men in dresses and ruby slippers,  We shall be playing The VD Match Game on Friday and Saturday, February 15 and 16, at 7:30 at L’Etage.  You can obtain tickets here http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/331562 and find more info here
http://www.facebook.com/events/279672565493605/  Our Sistah Ovella, for those of you who know her, will be playing also.

Here is a little Aquarius fillum, for Our birthday Aquarians:

And here are the HorrorScopes:

Today is, of course, Abraham Lincoln’s birthday.  Lincoln was the sixteenth President of the United States, and starred in the recent fillum, Daniel Day-Lewis’s Left Foot, for which he will be winning an Oscar™, so there’s no need to bake him a cake. (Also, don’t buy him theater tickets…he hates that.)  It is also Charles Darwin’s birthday.  Darwin was in the original Planet of the Apes fillum, and also played Samantha’s second husband on Bewitched.

This is not the time for new projects or people — you have to stick with what you know. (Unfortunately, We don’t know much, because We don’t get out much.)

Confusion is rampant, (Ah, so.  That is what Confucius say.)

(What?)

and you may find that your energy starts to improve only after you give up a little.  (Well, if We’re sticking with what We know,a s you said earlier, We have precious little to give up.)

People who like to share their private life issues with the rest of the world are extremely tedious for you, especially right now.  (People who share their privates, on the other hand, are great fun at parties.)

You like to help others as much as the next person,  (Which is to say, not at all.)

but there are more important things that you’d rather pay attention to than who’s going through heartbreak or who’s cheating on whom.   (Well, duh.  It’s not like We’re sitting around writing country western songs.)

So ignore the gossip as much as you can today.  (Sorry…did you say something?)

Airing their dirty laundry might titillate some folks, (Heh.  Kelli said “tit”.)

but it is only going to annoy you today.  (Oh, please.  Our laundry is done, gurrrlllll.  Also, We ran the dishwasher last night.  If cleanliness is next to godliness, it is pretty goddamn godly up in here, folks.  We are all kinds of ready to be Pope.  Get that angel in here in his thong, and lettuce look up Justin Bieber’s ass to see if his hat’s on straight.)

You may be ready to march up (In these shoes?!?)

and tell that one crush of yours how hot they are,  (Like they don’t already know.  Bitch, please.)

but a lower-key approach gets better results now.  (And We are nothing if not low-key.  Well, low something.)

A simple question can work wonders! (What the fuck is that supposed to mean?)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com)

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  http://agskylab.blogspot.com/.  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)

*****************************************************************************

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.