Those nights of splendor in Pensacola, lost in your arms, under the palms near the lagoon.

Greetings, Erogenous Rezoning Includes Cuticles---

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, December 08, 2010 (Oh, my dears!  Didja miss Us?  (Who let all those crickets in here?)  We were in The Sunshine State, celebrating the anniversary of the nativity of Our Siamese twin sister, Miss Ovella Parsons-Wilkes, who turned twenty-four this past weekend.  We know it will come as a surprise to some of all y’all that Ovella is Our SIAMESE twin sister, separated at birth, what with Our Own Personal nativity anniversary taking place in April, but what can We say?  Our Mama was a trouper.  Speaking of Mamas, Happy Feast of the Immaculate Contraption to all you fans of Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod out there in Erix Daily HoroscopeLand.  Also, Happy Belated Clutch Your Pearls Harder Day.  And, last but not yeast infection, Happy Hump Day.):

(While We were sunning Ourselves and sipping umbrella drinks, Our boarder departed from OurHouseWhereWeLive.  Yes, indeed, ladies and gerbils, much like some war widow in the Great Depression played in a black and white fillum by Thelma Ritter, this past July We took in a boarder to Help Make Ends Meet.  Of course, looking back on it, We realize We should have been more specific about exactly which ends We were talking about.  On the other hand, she wore a glove.  And on the other other hand, We spent five months with a half-nekkid str8 boi lounging about the place (and collected rent in the bargain), so We are hardly complaining.   (We just re-read this paragraph and realized that it sounds as though We are saying that he departed unbeknownst to Us, which is not at all the case.  Although We are not going back to rewrite it.  Deal and cope.))

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

Don’t doubt yourself today (Thomas.)

— that way lies madness. (The other way lies mattress.  Fortunately, it’s not March, or there could be a March Madness Mattress sale, and then where would We be?  Probably watching Mannix, Matlock, and Magnum on Our Magnavox.  (What were We talking about again?))

You could end up down the rabbit hole, (Which would certainly make for one happy rabbit.  Also, eeeuuuwww.)

when you really ought to be taking care of business in a new way. (Honey, trust Us.  If We’re in some rabbit’s hole, We are certainly “taking care of business” in “a new way”.)

Believe in yourself and get ahead!  (That’s what the rabbit said!  (Of course, that was right AFTER he said, “Shut your hole, Honey, mine’s makin’ money”, but who’s counting?))

 Your memories can be wonderful, (Mammaries…light the corners of my mind…)

heartwarming notions that tie you to the people you love, (Misty water-colored mammaries…)

and they maintain a valuable tie to a past that helped create the person you are today. (Of the way We were (albeit NOT subjunctively).)

But memories, (May be beautiful and yet…what’s too painful for the rabbit can be relaxed into if you buy him another cocktail…hmmm…We seem to have strayed from Our Barbra Streisand tribute back into bunnyfu(king.  Do the bunnyfu(k…fu(k, fu(k, fu(k.)

when held onto too literally or wistfully, (Not to be confused with either lateral wisteria or liberal hysteria.)

(Can you tell that We’re a little out of practice?)

 can also be paralyzing forces in your life. (Buttcha ARE in that chair, Blanche!  (“Buttcha”, naturally, requires the extra T, because if it were (this time subjunctively) spelled “butcha”, you would want to pronounce it as “butch-a” (like a butcher from Brooklyn).  (Somehow, that rule never quite caught on like “I before E except after C”.  Who knows why?)))

Take a long mental walk (Didja know that “Walk Like An Egyptian” was originally written as “Walk Like A Mental Patient”?  (Didja know that We occasionally make up totally random facts to see if You’re paying attention? (We have no idea why We just capitalized “You’re”.  The Royal You?  We don’t think so.)))

down memory lane (Penny Lane?  Wisteria Lane?  Lois Lane?  Lois Lane’s rabbit hole?  We got nothin’.)

and pinpoint some remembrances you need to forget. (We shall make a mental note to remember to forget.  (Speaking of that way lies madness…))

 Don’t let the rosy haze of nostalgia (We thought We smelled something.)

 lead you to believe something that isn’t true.   (Um, no.  Because We are not a Republican.)

 If you feel you’re in too deep, (It’s a rabbit’s hole; how deep can it be?)

lighten up and let it breathe. (Okay, now this is just getting disgusting.)

On the other hand, maybe it’s time to go in deep. (We’re just gonna let all y’all put your own joke here.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )