We’ll take a sports cup of kindness yet

Greetings, Ebullient Radical Irritates Conservatives---

Here is your horoscope for Friday, December 31, 2010 (We have absolutely nothing to report, but hotmail informs Us that it neglected to alert all of Our gmail-using readers to yesterday’s installment, so We thought We’d give it another shot.  The WorldWideInterWebNetz are being particularly irritating to Us today, what with everyone and their mother making their 2010 Top Ten Lists, largely of Things They Are Grateful For.  We Our Own Self Personally were going to craft a list of Top Ten Things That Make Us Wanna Puke Up Our Spleen, but then We decided that We didn’t really know who all was reading this, and We would hate for any of all y’all to recognize yourself on such a list on the morning of the Amateur Night Holiday.  You’re welcome.):

(Also, it just occurred to Us that some of you may actually be at work (egad) today, so This Bud’s For You. (What’d he say?))

(We are reprinting the following paragraph from yesterday’s Erix Daily Horoscope for the benefit of gmail users who may have missed it.  Also, because We got absolutely no response.):

(In terms of other New Year-related activities, We are attempting to imagine the reinvention of these humble pages as a vehicle for, if not fiscal recompense, at least some notoriety beyond the seven of all y’all who currently read them.  Any and all suggestions in this regard are welcome.  It is unclear to Us whether any of all y’all ever share Our musings with others, although We do seem to have one Google Reader follower whom We do not know personally.  Yay, Us.  Also, We are the only thing you find if you Google “Abraham Lincoln” and “A Lady from Ealing” together.  So there’s that.  Sigh. 2011 is going to be a long year.)

(Our-O-Scopes:)

You may feel fully recharged, (Wait…they’re gonna charge Us twice?!?)

but only by the end of the day. (At the end of the day you’re another day older.  Also, We intend to give the end of the day a miss.)

 It’s a good time to be at your best, (One would imagine that that particular sentence would be true pretty much…well, ALWAYS, you Ass(tromalogical) Ho(bag).  Jeebus!  Way to utter worthless prognostications on the eve of a stupid new year, bee-yotch.)

but you should expect to need to lie low until night falls. (Thud.)

Then, anything goes (Don’t’cha just hate when you’re minding your own business, and all of a sudden a random Cole Porter musical breaks out?)

— so have a blast!  (And a toot! And a snort!  And a hoot, and possibly a holler!  And an egg roll, Mister Goldstone.)

Friendships are more important to you than ever, and you are rightfully proud of the fact that you’ve grown into a supportive, wise and caring ally for those special people in your life. (Ah, yes, the special people. All of Our friends who ride the short bus.  Casting Our pearls before ‘tards, We are.  Explains a lot, doesn’t it?)

Right now, someone you care about is going through some tough times — and you don’t know what to do about it. (See, that’s like one of those stories that starts out “I have this friend…”, and you KNOW the person is talking about their own self, but you both pretend it’s about somebody else, because it usually winds up with something really embarrassing, like exploding hemorrhoids, or naked Siamese twin nuns on a trapeze.)

 This helpless feeling is normal, (The converse, however, is not true.)

but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. (So We should hire someone else to beat Us up?)

They have to help themselves right now. (Well, ya know, G0d helps those who help themselves.  (Is it just Us, or does that saying make G0d sound kind of useless?))

 All you can do is make it clear to them that you’ll be there when they need you.  (Awwww.  Are We a helluva guy, or what?)

Emotions could suddenly arise today and make life pretty weird (Wait…it gets weirder?!?)

— to say the least. (Why does nobody ever say “to say the most”?)

A long talk with an old friend can help sort things out, (An old talk with a long friend, on the other hand…)

 and might be better than just spouting stuff out at random!  (Somebody call The Euphemism Police!)

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )