Greetings, Earthy Roue Intimidates Cheerleaders---
(We have been consistently amazed over the years that Micro$oft Weird™ has never learned the word “roué”. (And, now that We’ve typed it with a small r, We see why; it wants one of those Frawnch gizmos over the e. (And puts it there automatically, We might add.) So why doesn’t it do the same thing with capital R “Roue”? No doubt the same reason it is perfectly capable of correcting Us when We mistype small h “horoscope” as “horosocpe” (which We always do), but throws up its hands when We mistype capital H “Horoscope” as “Horosocpe”. Because Micro$oft Weird™ is a ‘tard.)
(Parenthetically, wouldn’t throwing up your hands hurt your throat?)
Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, August 04, 2010 (So Happy Hump Day. We say that nearly every week, and no one ever says it to Us. Or, more to the point, gives Us a hump. Of course, in One of Our advanced years, any hump We get is most likely to manifest itself on Our back, so perhaps We should could Our blessings. (One…two…okay, done.) The two of you who actually read this thing will have missed Us yesterday, as We were off getting Our voiceover demo recording done. Four months later than it should have been, but who’s counting? (We already counted both of Our blessings. And math is HARD.) Oh, and guess what? The final product? Won’t be ready for a month.):
(And now, lest you think We have no appreciation for cultures other than Our Own, here is a little music video all the way from the Japanese part of China. It would be safe for work, were it not for the plethora of Japanese heinie on display. And yet, it’s not dirty at all. Enjoy!
)
(Plethora…roué…We are a g0ddamn “Word-A-Day” calendar for YouPeople. And what the h3ll do you ever do for Us?)
(Our Our-O-Scope:)
You just can't wander around unchaperoned like you used to. (Well, that’s really gonna throw a monkey wrench into Our serial killing spree.)
You're so open, (We’re so open, We can break wind without anyone hearing anything. We’re so open, Jimmy Hoffa just found the keys and drove out. We’re so open, you’ll hafta tie a two-by-four to your @ssz so you don’t fall in. (We got a million of ‘em, kidz; shtick around for da jokes.))
you could pass by a couple arguing in a restaurant and end up just cranky enough to ruin your previously romantic evening. (What the fu(k does THAT have to do with the price of Japanese heinie in China?)
(Ya think We could get a jawb fixing up tired old sayings like “the price of tea in China”? Quick, somebody go to monster.com and search “cunning linguist”.)
Needless to say, you need to steer clear of negative energy. (Have you met Us? More to the point, have you seen Our life lately? If it weren’t for negative energy, We’d have no energy at all.)
They want you to commit, but you're just not ready. (No, they want Us to be committed. Trust Us, there’s a difference.)
They're threatening to leave if you don't. (What? And miss the eleven o’clock ballad? “It’s like We’re losing Our minds…”)
Doesn't sound like the perfect beginning, does it? (Well, no. No, it doesn’t. Because, generally, people leave at the END, not at the beginning. @sshat.)
Think it over. (Okay, it over. (A sentence without a verb is like a day without moonshine.))
You've got an endless supply of oomph right now (Of all the times to be caught without a tuba. (Caught Without A Tuba is, of course, the title of the unauthorized tell-all biography of Lawrence Welk.))
(That was a sort of family-friendly joke, in its own special way. Good thing We didn’t fu(k it up by talking about Japanese heinie in China.)
-- and it's a darned good thing. (Back in the olden days, when things were darned, did One ever darn anything besides socks? And what exactly did a sock have to do to get itself properly damned?)
Expect a seriously tough task to come along. (Oh, We do.)
(Your Euro-O-Scopes:
cowgrass…just do it. Betch.)
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