Julie, Julie, Julie, do ya love me?

Greetings, Eisenhower Returns, Impersonating Clown---

Here is your horoscope for Monday, August 09, 2010 (Gee, in hindsight, We wouldn’t have chosen today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Faux Pas Coup De Grace Mardi Gras Evelyn Waugh if We had thought any of all y’all might be afraid of clowns.  Heh. Heh. Heh.):

(In other news, Happy Birthday In Retrospect to TCBITWWW, who turned twenty-four over the weekend.  On Sunday, not Saturday.  Not that that part matters now, but still.)

(So let’s talk for a moment about Julia Child.  (If you guessed that, over the weekend, We watched Julie and Julia, you would be correct.)  Here is a woman who, in her younger days, did some manner of espionage in World War II, and who then, later in life, single-handedly invented and popularized the television cooking show.  So, in making a movie about her, why on earth would you ever choose to focus on the years in between the above, when she pretty much didn’t do anything?  Now, this is not to detract from the performance of Ms. Streep, who is creepily, Streepily on target as the aforementioned Ms. Child, or Stanley Tucci, who plays her heretofore unknown husband to perfection.  However, the modern-day Julie, some pathetic blogger who decides to cook everything in Julia’s cookbook, made Our fist fairly itch to punch her in her face until she choked on her own teeth.  Oh, and she had a husband, too.  Who was largely a waste of airspace. Don’t quit your day job, knuckledragger.)

(Hmm.  Apparently, “knuckledragger” is not a word.  Who knew?  And yet, We are still going to offer some writing advice to Ms Nora Ephron and company.  Throw out all the modern day crap, write some script about Julia’s espionage days, and then her television career, and don’t shoot a single frame of film that doesn’t include Ms. Streep and/or Mister Tucci.)

(Why We don’t have  job in Hollyweird, We’ll never know.)

 (Our Our-O-Scope:)

Don't use ink when you're filling in your social calendar. (Wait…We have a social calendar?)

Whatever you think you'll be doing definitely won't come to pass, (Don’t you know who We think We are?)

but it certainly won't be for lack of trying on your part. (Also, clearly, it will not be for lack of trying Our patience.)

This is one of those times when it's best to remember that variety is the spice of life.  (Is it just Us, or could that sentence have ended with any old cliché One happened to choose, and appear to appear just as meaningful while being totally meaningless?  For example, try replacing “variety is the spice of life” with “a bitch in time saves nine”, or “it’s no use shutting the barn door after they’ve already bought the cow because they were crying over the spilt milk they got for free” or “nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven, and Pillsbury does it best”.  See?)

Restraining yourself may be tough, (You have no idea.)

but it will definitely be easier than the apologies you'll need to make if you let it fly. (Honey, if you let it fly PROPERLY, there’ll be no one left to apologize TO.)

(Why, yes, We DID just end a sentence with a preposition.  And now We’re gonna end one with a PROPosition: go fu(k yerself.)

Hold your breath, (Till you turn blew? (Hmm…wonder if that would actually work?))

if need be. (Subjunction, junction, what’s your function?)

(Why, yes.  Yes, that WAS a little Schoolhouse Rock. Because We are old, d@mmit, now you kidz get off Our lawn.)

Just when you thought it was safe to come out, (Oh, please.  Were We ever in?  We are gayer than an episode of Glee getting fu(ked up the @ss with Liberace’s Christmas tree.)

friends are starting to take bids on how long you'll be able to manage the balancing act you've been juggling.  (Balancing and juggling are two different acts.  Just so ya know.  And pretty much mutually exclusive, also.  So next time, think for a minute before ya just let random cr@p spew out your piehole.  Who do you think you are, Us?)

Is it truly impossible to serve two masters? (Probably not, but all that leather cr@p just makes Us giggle.  How does the S&M crowd manage to take any of that stuff seriously?)

Maybe not -- but it will become eminently clear to you now that it's certainly not easy to pull off. 

(And yet, pulling off is the one thing in Our life that still IS…oh, never mind.  Sigh.)

(Your Euro-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

it takes two hands to handle a cowgrass)