Who’s the leader of the band that’s made for you and me?

Greetings, Egg Recall Incenses Chickens----

Here is your horoscope for Friday, August 20, 2010 (How’s THAT for a topical greeting, eh?  Do We have Our finger on the pulse, or what? (If We ACTUALLY had Our finger on your pulse, We would probably ask you not to close your zipper suddenly.  Also, to distract you, We might say something like, “How’s THAT for a tapioca pudding?”, which is what We actually wanted to say in the first place, but We were afraid you would think it didn’t make any sense.)):

(We just mistyped “sense” as “snese”.  Which, of course, doesn’t make any sense (or snese).  We were surprised when Micro$oft Weird™ didn’t autocorrect it, until We clicked on the red squiggly misspelling line under “snese” and were presented with choices of “sense” or “sneeze”.  Apparently, We are now using spellcheck for Mongoloid idiots. (In other news, does it make any snese  (gesundheit (thank you)) to you that, in the Year Of Our Lard 2010, the Micro$oft Weird™ spellchecker does not recognize the word “spellcheck”? (Also also, did you know that “gullible” isn’t in the dictionary?)))

(But that’s a lot of hoo-ha.  Y’all wanna talk about Boner Boy, don’t’cha?  (Oh, don’t pretend you haven’t been fixated on today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Loose Goose CousCous Mickey Moose.  We see you when you’re sleeping, We know when you’re awake, is that a hammer in your pocket or are you just happy to see Us?)  The most striking feature, to Us, about Boner Boy, other than the fact that he appears to be adequately blessed in the boner department, is that he has One Of Those Faces where you can see exactly how he’s gonna look as he ages.  And it ain’t gonna be pretty.  In fact, this pixture may have been taken on the very day when his attractiveness (and We use that term VERY looselygooselyMickeyMoosely) hit its peak, and We suspect it will all be downhill from there.  So, if We were (subjunctively) able to communicate with said Boner Boy, on what appears to be the very best day of his life, We would suggest to him that, as the sun is shining and the boner is boning, he should climb aboard the blond in the pink bikini and bang her like an old screen door.)

(Erix Daily Horoscope: throwing boners to the str8 bois.  Since 2001.)

(It will amuse some of you to know that Micro$oft Weird™ put its blue squiggly line of “perhaps you meant to choose some other word” under the “Moose” in “Mickey Moose”.  Hey, you watch YOUR cartoons, We’ll watch Ours.  Kiss Us quick, We’re Walt Disney.)

(Here once again is the SitOnMyFaceBook event for the fundraiser at which We will be strutting and fretting on Sunday: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001248400015#!/event.php?eid=136408703056751&ref=ts   )

(And here is the SitOnMyFaceBook event for the upcoming WaitStaff show in the 2010 Philly Fringe Festival, The Real Housewives of South Philly: http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-WaitStaff/177605379471?ref=ts#!/event.php?eid=140078749365736&ref=mf  Please note that that show will also be playing on September 25 at Ursinus College (for all of Our Ursinian readers), as well as the following weekend, October 2 & 3, in the Wilmington Fringe Festival (for all of Our Delawarian readers).)

(If We have Ursinian or Delawarian readers, please give Us a shout, as We are currently convinced that We have about two readers.  Neither of whom has a computer.)

(And here, for all you World War II lovers, is World War II On FaceBook (safe for work): http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1802364 )

(Here is Our video for you to continue to ignore.  (Actually, Our video was randomly reposted the other day by a SitOnMyFaceBookian friend.  A friend of his then reposted it. The kindness of strangers, and all)):

)

(Our Our-O-Scope:)

You feel totally driven to succeed today (But if you’re trying to fail, and you succeed, what have you actually done?)

— more so than usual, if that’s possible. (Does it strike anyone else as odd that both more so than usual and less so than usual are unusual?  Just Us?  Alrighty, then.)

It’s a really good day to work on your career through networking, cold calls or even just brushing off your resume. (We don’t do windows.)

(What?)

Someone close has been on your case pretty hard recently, (Um, We’re pretty sure We’d’ve noticed that.)

so you’ve been keeping your head down,(If We could get Our head down far enough, We’d never leave the house.)

 taking care of everything and forcing yourself to do right by them — without ever being asked. (Sigh. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.  Also, always a Rubbermaid, never a rubber.)

You’ve been extremely good, (But when We were bad, We were better.)

but now is the time to let go and ask for something in return. (Now THERE’S a novel concept.)

You know how you are (Oh, SNAP!)

— stress is just a way of life. (Also, Frito’s just another word for nothing left to lose.)

Give yourself a break now and calm down. (DON’T FU(KING TELL US WHAT TO DO!!!! (Heh.  See what We did there?))

You can always be tense tomorrow! (Your son’ll come out tomorrow, bet a dollar Bottom is your son…)

(Your Euro-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

cowgrass…the Un-cola)