It’s raining men, hallelujah!

Greetings, Entranceway Revealing Inverted Ceiling---

Here is your horoscope for Friday, August 13, 2010 (Happy Kevin Bacon’s Ass Day.  Despite it being Friday the Thirteenth (see how We didn’t even skip a beat there?) at 9AM, something good has already happened today, so We refuse to be a-scared.  (No, We are alone…it wasn’t THAT good.)  Remember a while back, when We said something good had happened, but We couldn't say what?  Then, later, We reported that We had been mistaken?  Well, it turns out We were mistaken about being mistaken.  (Is it just Us, or does a promising career as a weathergirl loom in Our future?))

(Speaking of Good Things, the WaitStaff has been accepted to the Wilmington Fringe Festival, and will be playing at Opera Delaware’s Black Box space.  So Smell. Us.  (More details to follow.))

(And the Good Things keep on coming…Our email informs Us that MISTER Lorraine Dodds wants Us to know that We’ve won a lottery in the UK.)

(So meanwhile, yesterday, We’re minding Our own business, watching As the World Turns, as We do, when suddenly a character’s apartment door opens to reveal a Philadelphia actor with whom We are familiar (We substituted “familiar” there at the last minute because We didn’t want to falsely claim to KNOW him, not because We wanted to imply some sort of licentious shenanigans.)   This actor was in every play produced in Philadelphia in the years 2008 and 2009, and it occurred to Us that We hadn’t seen his name being bandied about in a while, so We Googled his @ssz on Wikipedia and discovered that he is currently appearing in a play with Kathleen Turner.  As you do.)

(You can read a whole lot more about this actor in a really excellent installment (if We do say so Ourself) of Erix Daily Horoscope here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2010/02/romeo-was-restless-he-was-ready-to-kill.html  )

(In other news, perhaps you have heard of a Philadelphia professional sports team called the Phillies?  They play the game with the sticks, which is not, for some reason, called stickball.  Well, We were being driven home from WaitStaff rehearsal last night, and the notstickball game was on the radio.  One poor player, according to the announcer, had “only one ball, a stolen bag, and a foul tip”. This was when We were inspired to begin writing a sketch about a big g@y sportscaster who doesn’t quite grasp the nuances of the notstickball game at hand.  That’s all We’ll say for now, but if you ever see a sketch containing the immortal phrase “now pinch-hitting…Bernadette Peters!”, remember that you heard it here first.)

(Whatever you do, don’t go look at this video, or tell your friends about it:

)

 (Our Our-O-Scope:)

Things slow down considerably Rams (Beginning, apparently, with Kelli’s ability to punctuate properly.)

-- and just in time before you fry your very last cylinder.  (Well, there goes any chance We had of inviting any of all y’all over to dinner.  Who the h3ll wants to eat fried cylinders?)

Get in touch with your latent earthy-crunchy side (Wait…We’re a l3sbian?)

by getting back to basics, like feeling your feet on the earth, balancing your checkbook and tasting your food. (ExSQUEEZE Us?  In what universe is “balancing your checkbook” a “basic” on a par with “feeling your feet on the earth” or “tasting your food”?  And now, ladies and genitals, Xanadu, with a new script by Ayn Rand.)

Create beauty everywhere you go.  (Like you needed to tell Us that.  Duh.  We ALWAYS create beauty everywhere We go. Because eventually We LEAVE.)

Your ride is super-smooth now, so just kick back and have fun, instead of anxiously watching out for the next big obstacle or slowdown you’re certain is about to hit you if you’re not vigilant. (So many words, so little sense.)

You don’t want to find yourself caught up in a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? (That depends.  Is winning PowerBall™ in there anywhere?)

Find some way to let go of your stress, even if you have to trick yourself into taking baby steps. (Before We take any baby steps, We should probably take a baby shower.)

(Wait for it….THERE ya go!)

Life is too sweet for worry! (Where the fu(k do YOU live?)

By really focusing on someone special, you can learn what really goes on inside them. (Of course, you can learn that a lot faster if you open them up with a chainsaw.)

Ask about their offbeat hobbies (This joke makes itself, right?  So We don’t have to make it for you.)

and you become even more interesting in return. (Actually, no. This is as interesting as We get.  Sorry.)

 Make sure you get some spotlight, too! (Aww…Kelli used a theatre metaphor!  Shut. Up. Kelli.)

(Have a Heavy Flow Weekend!)

(Your Euro-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com

cowgrass…betcha can’t eat just nun)