Romeo was restless, he was ready to kill.

Greetings, Empanadas Regurgitated Into Cummerbund---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, February 10, 2010 (To add insult to injury (and incense to inquiry, and ingots to Interpol), We are pretty sure that the current precipitation out there in OutsideWorldLand is rain. Which should serve to make conditions even more pleasant than they already are. Meanwhile, it is probably a Very Happy Hump Day for most of you, as both You and The One You Hump are most likely still at home in bed. Together. But We are not bitter. Also, happy birthday to Pam, who turns twenty-four today, and who, Our SitOnMyFaceBook tells Us, is actually working today. Working?!? What’s that?):


(Speaking of SitOnMyFaceBook, We had The New “Improved” Version rolled out to Us (against Our will) yesterday. We cannot take credit for the following, having stolen it from someone on TheWorldWideInterWebNetz, but here it is anyway: if We come into your living room and rearrange all the furniture, that’s not progress, it’s just fu(king annoying. KThxBye.)


(Today’s screed (for screed there shall be…We awoke at 7:30 this morning, and have been unable to go back to sleep, so We are in full-on screed mode, up-to-tempo-for-the-little-motherfu(kers-here-We-go) is about advertising. Specifically, the piece of advertising depixted in today’s pixture. (Hey, if We can have pixtures, We can have depixtions. It all comes down to pixels, anyway. (Mmmm…pizelles. (Sorry. (Micro$oft Weird™ wants Us to change “pizelles” to “paellas”. Which, while also yummy, are hardly the same thing.)))) We first became aware of said advertising when We received an oversized postcard of same in yesterday’s post. As you can see, it is touting a production of That Shakespeare Fella’s Romeo AND Juliet (that plus sign, while a pet peeve of Ours, is not the subject of this particular screed) at a Philadelphia theatre company which shall remain nameless except its name rhymes with “Eve Arden” if she didn’t have a first name. If you were (subjunctively) looking at the postcard, you would see that it extends farther in each horizontal direction, and you would be more aware of the (modern) shirt draped across the actor’s shoulders. (The modernity of the shirt is not the issue either; We just threw that in for tecture (“tecture”, of course, being the technical term for texture), as this is also not a screed about Shakespeare in modern dress.))


(However, if We have to type “Shakespeare” one more time, it may become a screed about how difficult it is to type the letters in “Shakespeare” all in the proper order when One is not a trained typist and how stupid a name is Shakespeare, anyway? We say, if you shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it.)


(The fault, dear Bluto, lies not with Our screeds but with Our spells. Also, We fights to the finnich ‘cause We eats Our spinach. On with the screed, this is it: is there not, oh, We don’t know, someone missing from this pixture? Seriously…what’s the name of the play again? What, Juliet didn’t come to work that day? We were given serious pause (not to mention spurious claws (no, seriously…don’t mention them)). Wherefore ever couldst said fair damsel-in-this-dress be? (And why the h3ll does Micro$oft Weird™ allow “couldst” in this day and age?) Could they be doing an all-male version, as would have been done in Shakes—er, That Guy’s time? No, as the actors’ names are on the back of the postcard, with Romeo and Juliet given top billing, and Juliet’s name, while ethnic, is clearly feminine. Could her ethnicity be the issue…perhaps the theatre is afraid of putting off its more whitebread subscribers? No, because it isn’t the Walnut Street Theater. Could it be that she’s just not as pretty as Romeo? For a moment, that seemed the most likely solution because, trust Us, We’ve seen this actor, and there ain’t much that’s as pretty as he is. But again, no…We Googled her, and she is every bit as beautiful as he is. In fact, it’s a shame that Romeo and Juliet both die at the end, because these two could make beautiful chirren together.)


(Oooops…did We spoil the ending for you? Too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad. (Also, does “We Googled her” sound dirty to you?))


(Now We became truly suspicious…is it possible that their marketing has become so sophisticated that they were able to target their g@y and single heteros3xual female customers with a sexy Romeo postcard? Was there an equally sexy Juliet postcard winging its way to their l3sbian and single heteros3xual male customers? A sexy Romeo-and-Juliet-together postcard sent to heteros3xually coupled customers? A sexy Nurse postcard sent to customers with a medical fetish? Inquiring minds wanted to know. Is Our s3xual preference now linked to Our Visa account? How 1984. (And how quaint to think of a time when 1984 was the future. Kinda makes ya wanna party like it’s 1999, don’t it?))


(A quick trip to Eve Arden’s website debunked that notion; the image representing the show was the image of Romeo on the postcard, end of story. And, since We’ve arrived back at that, let Us just say a few (heh) words about it. As We have already mentioned, the actor in question (We shall refrain from naming him, as We don’t want his lawyers showing up at Our door. (However, if he would like to show up at Our door, We’d be happy to slip into something more comfortable. Just sayin’.)) is quite beautiful. (We apologize for Our use of the word “pretty” earlier.) Many of you will have seen him strut and fret his hour upon the stage, as there was a time recently when he seemed to be playing the lead in every play in the city. Simultaneously. (Deb, he was Sexy Spice in The History Boys.) Unfortunately, two of his most strikingly beautiful (facial) features are his eyes, and his smile. Neither of which, you will note, is on display in the image in question. So, while We will certainly agree with any of you who think the image is an attractive one, We are here to tell you that the actor in the image is at least twenty times more attractive than that.)


(So, to sum up, We have no earthly idea what their marketing department is up to. Although they certainly did make Us pay attention. We may have to send this to them and see if they’ll clear up the mystery for Us.)


(And now, as a treat for having tortured all y’all with all that stuff about Shakes-the-Clown so early in the morning, here’s a little video to cheer y’all up. This is especially for Our str8 boi readers, because every so often, We like to throw ‘em a bone. (Heh.) Its work-safety will be determined by whether girls in bikinis are safe for your work, but then, you’re probably not at work today anyway.)

(And now, in case you thought We might neglect to mention it (not bloody likely, what with Our friends from Eve Arden in the house), the WaitStaff’s post-VD sketch comedy show Desperate and Dateless plays for one night only at the World Café Live at 7:30 on Friday, February 19th, and you can buy your tickets here: http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 . Also, visit Us at Our website http://www.thewaitstaff.com or on SitOnMyFaceBook http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/The-WaitStaff/177605379471?ref=ts . )


(Our-O-Scope…)


Recent career developments or discussions seem practical and possible today as the grounded Capricorn Moon helps you focus on long term goals. (Our current goal is to get out of Our bathrobe and get Our snow shoveled. (Well, yes, We mean to get dressed in between the two. (You just wanted to pixture Us nekkid, and shoveling snow, didn’t’cha? You dirty, dirty birdies.)) If that doesn’t give Us a heart attack, perhaps We shall do some laundry, or dishes, or cleaning. The glamour, she overwhelms Us.)


Links from the fated North Node (Say whuuuuttt???)


suggest it's possible to experience a little of your desired future where work is concerned today, (So, wait…did she just say We’re going to experience the future today? What are We gonna do, read 1984 while We party like it’s 1999, seventy-six trombones led the big parade, with a hundred-and-ten Corvettes right behind?)


but only if you're willing to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. (Honey, it’s a snow day. The farthest We’re gonna get from Our “comfort zone” is shoveling the sidewalk. We would eat nothing but mashed potatoes for the rest of the day if “mash” didn’t sound like a form of over-exertion.)


Electric Uranus (“Electric Uranus”? Scr3w shoveling snow! We’re gonna stay inside and play with Our Electric Uranus!)


energizes you (Like a bunny. Well, like a bunny with an Electric Uranus.)


and suggests there is hidden support available, (Kinda like a stealth j0ckstrap. It’s like a j0ckstrap when you least expect it. Ya know, you’re all, like, walking along, all casual like, maybe whistling a little tune, when all of a sudden…j0ckstrap! Electric Uranus! There’s a party in your pants and everybody’s coming!)


if you only make the first move. (As We may have already mentioned, if We’re expected to make the first move, it’s gonna have to be tomorrow. We are, of course, perfectly happy to sit in OurHouseWhereWeLive and wait for Romeo to show up at Our door with his Electric Uranus. If you count that as the first move, We’ll be happy to make the second one.)


Venus reminds you that it's now or never with that friendship or social matter. (Is it just Us, or does “social matter” sound Not Quite Nice? Just Us? Alrighty, then.)


Make peace or show your appreciation today. (Honey, you just let Us get these big ol’ D batteries into Our Electric Uranus, and We shall appreciate you up one side and down the other.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


the cowgrass goes in before the name goes on.)