If ya wanna bump it, bump it with a trumpet, strumpet

Greetings, Equator Reaches Infinite Circumference---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, February 03, 2010 (Well, We trust all y’all had a lovely, festive Groundhog Day yesterday, made just a little brighter by Our Eric’s Daily Horoscope retrospective. Meanwhile, it would seem that We have been laboring under a misapprehension for lo these many years. Turns out, The Feast Of Saint Blaise is the day after Groundhog Day; to wit, today, you twit. So, sorry, Saint Blaise. But your name still sounds like a p0rno star. “Once again, ladies and g3nitals, the multi-talented Miss Trixie Saint-Blaise, and her incredible ping-pong ball shooter-c00ter!” (You should get that thing blessed, Trixie. And probably your throat, as well. (Why they singled out the throat for blessing has always been beyond Us. (Is there a Saint Linda Lovelace?)))):


(Heh. “To wit, today, you twit.” We are a poet, but We are unaware of it.)


(Oh, for you trivia buffs (“Ladies and g3nitals, the multi-talented Miss Trivia Le Boeuff, and her incredible…” (Well, never mind that just now…)) and Quizzo players, you may want to make a mental note that Saint Blaise? Is also the Patron Saint of wool. We are not making that up. Although what the h3ll use a stripper has for wool is beyond Us. (This entire “Mister Rogers’ cardigan” scenario just leapt unbidden into Our brain. Excuse Us while We mental floss.))


(“Won’t you” (BUMP!) “be my” (BUMP!) “neighbor?” (Check out that g-string, King Friday The Thirteenth!))


(In other news, last night was, of course, the season premiere of the final season of Lost. Obviously, if you are a fan, you have seen it by now, and if you are not a fan, you haven’t, so there is no need for Us to go into detail. We will, however, just say that We watched it in real time, which We usually don’t do, and they couldn’t have crammed more commercials in there if the fu(king show were (subjunctively) a clown car. Jeebus.)


(It is also, of course, Hump Day, so while you are having your throat blessed, you may wanna ask ‘em to bless your hump as well. (You get an extra plenary indulgence and a pagan baby if they say, “What hump?”))


(Our-O-Scope…)


Your romantic wishes do have a real chance of coming true now, as long as you're not wishing for something which depends (Trust Us…at no point do Depends™ enter into Our romantic wishes.)


on someone else doing a 180 degree about turn. (Dunno ‘bout you, but “a 180 degree about turn” sounds like The Buttsecks to Us!)


Hanging on to someone or something romantically when you know it's not going to work out means you miss chances to manifest something that will work out for you. (Oh, “manifest” THIS, you lobotomized New-Age @sshat!)


It’s a great time to have a think (Don’t mind if We do…and put an extra olive in it. What? Oh. Never mind.)


about where you are and aren't (Yes, We shall make excellent use of Our time by sitting about thinking about where We aren’t. We aren’t, for example, in Johnny Depp’s buttcrack. However, having now thought about it, We suspect We shall be able to think of precious little else. Sigh.)


(We would like to point out that Micro$oft Weird™ refuses to acknowledge either “buttcrack” or “buttsecks” as words. This, of course, from the people who deny both Blaise and Trixie. Clearly, their heathen throats shall remain unblessed, and not so much as a single ping-pong ball shall issue forth, much less shoot, from their talentless c00ters. Verily We say unto thee, and merrily We roll along, roll a joint or use a bong.)


(What? It’s OUR mind; you’re just visiting.)


being realistic about your relationships. (Oh, where’s the fun in that?)


Happy attached Aries could be about to get even happier. (We’ll have what she’s smoking.)


Financially, things are also well-starred. (“Well-starred”? Jigga what? We are so poor, We cannot even pay attention.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


choosy motherfu(kers choose cowgrass)