Hot Topic is not punk rock

Greetings, Ecuadorians Rebuild Insurmountable Chifforobe—


(We just Wiki-ed Our feeble brains out, learning more than any one person should know about the word “chifforobe”. We would share, but your heads would explode, and, if We’re gonna be blowin’ up peoples’ heads, We think it should be for a d@mn good reason. This? Isn’t one.)


Here is your horoscope for Thursday, February 25, 2010 (It is currently 10:45 in the AM, and We have a few snow flurries, not one of which has been laid (much like Our Own Selves) on the sidewalk or elsewhere. Which means they could certainly have come and collected Our trash this morning. Have they no sense of adventure, these TrashPussies? They are probably paid more money than We ever were. (Meanwhile is TrashPussies not a brilliant name for a punk rock band? Possibly with an umlaut over one of the vowels. We put that out there, free of charge, in case any of Our Gentle Readers are forming a punk rock band this morning.)) :


(Incidentally, the aforementioned snow? Is cordially invited to suck Our d1ck. KThxBye.)


(If We appear to keep being distracted, it is because We are playing Scrabble on the InterNet with someone whom We’ve never met. (We are also a poet, but We are unaware of it.)) We are also particularly uninspired today. We would like to think that We could inspire all y’all to leave comments, but We are not as stupid as We look. We have yet to have had one person tell Us about a friend’s upcoming birthday. Apparently, We do this for Our health. (Albeit clearly not Our mental health.))


(Our-O-Scope…)


Is there a relationship in your life which is in need of healing? (Well, if, by “healing”, you mean “being put down like a dog”, then yeah, probably. But never mind that…let’S sing! When I get this feeling, I want s3xual healing…(kiss Us quick, We’re Marvin Gaye! (Actually, We’re all sorts of gay, but, really, how gay is it to put an “E” on the end of “gay”? Ya might as well add a cedilla, fercrissakes. Although, to the best of Our knowledge, Marvin Gaye was not gay. However, had his Gaye father not shot his Gaye not gay @ss, he would currently be seventy years old. We suspect he would not, however, be singing lead vocals for the TrashPussies. (That’s TrashPussies, avec umlaut, sans cedilla. (Avec Umlaut, Sans Cedilla, meanwhile, was the French title of the movie If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium. Our Sistah Ovella will be so proud that We know that.)))))


(It is possible that We were a wee tad more inspired than We may have initially thought. Either that, or Our bran tumor is acting up.)


(No, that was not a typo. It’s an inside joke for one of the two of you who’s paying attention.)


It's more likely to be with a friend or an acquaintance but you know what? (What, bitch?)


It could be with anyone. (That’s what she said.)


Who are you feeling estranged from? (Sometimes, when We walk down a crowded city street, We feel estranged from total strangers in the night, exchanging glances…oops, sorry; We forgot Ourselves. (That was a little emo-punk-rock cover of a Frank Sinatra tune, as remade by Marvin Gaye and the TrashPussies.))


Who has pushed all your buttons? (Who has snapped all your snaps? Who has zipped all your zippers, and caught your frenulum in them? With frenulums like those, who needs enemas? (You’re gonna wanna look up “frenulum”, if you haven’t already. We’ll wait.))


Who do you need to forgive and/or who needs your forgiveness? (More to the point, who do you need to foreskin, and/or who needs your foreskinness? (We thought We’d throw a little foreskin in there for Our Shaun, who’s a fan. Of foreskin, that is. Shaun is currently touring China. Boy gets more vacation than anyone We’ve ever seen.))


Today and over the weekend is the ideal time to reach out. (And fu(k someone, as the old AT&T slogan goes. Because love grows where my Rosemary goes and nobody knows like me.)


(What? Just you wait for the TrashPussies remake.)


Remember you are in one of the most important cycles (Unicycles? Motorcycles? Menstrual cycles?)


you'll ever experience for your relationships all throughout 2010 so make the most of it. (Is it just Us, or does “2010” still look like a weird year?)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


The UnCowgrass)