Friday, February 19, 2010

Once upon a looking-for-Donna time, there was a 16-year-old virgin

Greetings, Enactors Redacted Interactive Contract---


Here is your horoscope for Friday, February 19, 2010 (Happy birthday to BoBoB, who turns twenty-four today. And happy birthday in advance to Katie, who turns twenty-four tomorrow, just in case We finally decide to take Ourselves a day off from Bloggonia.):


(Today, of course, is Our WaitStaff show at the World Café Live. So naturally, We couldn’t possibly get a good night’s sleep so We could enjoy feeling like a human being today. Because that would just be wrong, shockingly wrong. So instead, We were up from about 2:30 till about 6:30, and got some intermittent sleep after that. Fortunately, We have made Ourselves lots of lists to get Us through the experience. UNfortunately, there is one of the lists in front of Us now, and it reads: “Wig Boxers Envelopes Stigmata”. You will notice that not only is that not the least bit instructional or enlightening, it is not even a sentence, what with missing a verb and all. Sigh. Presumably, We shall show up at the World Café for tech rehearsal later and all will become clear to Us.)


(We will herewith give all y’all one more chance to make your reservations by going to
http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 . For the serious procrastinators among you, there will still be a few tickets available at the door. The show will start promptly at 7:30, as there are other shows following Ours, and We will be meeting Our throngs of adoring fans afterwards at Slainte at 30th and Market http://www.slaintephilly.com/ )


(And now for something completely different, here, courtesy of OurTracie, is a little commercial that sums up how We feel about winter. (Of course, if it were (subjunctively) to do anything more than sum up, it would have to show OurStreet that has only ever been plowed once and so has a foot of ice on it, thereby preventing OurTrash from being collected for two weeks now, and OurRoof, which must have a similar foot of ice and snow on it, which is now busy melting into OurBathroom, which was only just repaired last year at this time by OurContractor, who hasn’t returned OurPhoneCalls since July, and who is the only one who knows the contact info for OurRoofer, who was the only one who could fix OurRoof during the six-month leak fiasco of 2008-2009. Fu(king weather.))








(Meanwhile, on a completely different subject, may We just say how much We enjoy watching WhatGoesAroundComesAround on Our WorldWideInterWebNetz?)


(Our-O-Scope…(Because it is virtually noon, and We have to leave OurHouseWhereWeLive at 3.))


Today the Moon moves further through Taurus and goes over the Fixed Star Algol. (Oh. Well. Then. That clears that right up. The Fixed Star Algol, eh? Hmm. Who knew?)


(WHAT THE FU(KING FU(KETY-FU(K ARE YOU BLATHERING ABOUT???)


Algol was traditionally regarded as the scariest, most evil Star in the skies (Oh, well then.)


however modern astrologers are rethinking their take on that. (Mmm-hmm. Ever since McDonna came along.)


Fixed Star expert says (“Fixed Star expert”? Excuse Us, but does “Fixed Star expert” have a name?)


Algol is powerful but that power shouldn't be confused with evil. (Why couldn’t We just have a nice little horoscope that says things like, “Your entertainment endeavors are well-aspected”. Who the fu(k ever heard of this Haldol thingie anyway?)


Algol has strong associations with the Dark Goddess Medusa who's seen by Goddess scholars as one of the most intriguing and powerful Goddesses of all, despite the grisly end that she met. (We currently have Our fingers in Our ears and are singing “La la la la la la la la la.”)


FYI Johnny Depp has two planets on Algol and he seems to be doing all right for himself, thank God/dess. (Oh, see, now. You just hadda drag Johnny Depp into it, didn’t’cha? And he has two planets on some star nobody’s ever heard of, eh? We’ve replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with Folgers™ Crystals. Your instructions were to give him two test tickles. Close cover before striking. Do not remove under penalty of law. Sing polly-wolly-doodle all the day.)


(Yep. We’re gonna be funny tonight.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com

cowgrass )

1 comment: