And they knew that it was much more than a hunch

Greetings, Enjoy Romantic Interlude, Carrottop---


Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, February 17, 2010 (Today’s pixture is, of course, related to yesterday’s news of the Liberace bio-pic. We learned that little Hollywood tidbit (kiss Us quick, We’re Rona Barrett) too late to add said pixture, plus We didn’t want to deprive you of the Fat Tuesday pixture treat. In other news, it is, of course, not only Ash Wednesday, but…hmm, We just had to interrupt Ourselves mid-sentence, as We just realized that, for many, if not most, of all y’all, it is not actually Hump Day at all, Monday having been Pepsodents Day. Which is probably for the best, as We were well on Our way to crossing Ash Wednesday with Hump Day and doing a whole series of Ass Wednesday jokes which would no doubt have made Baby Jeebus cry.):


(Meanwhile, a slew of Our younger readers (i.e. those who are only turning twenty-four for the second or third time) just clapped their veinless hands to their poreless faces and hurried their perky little buttocks over to Wikipedia, where they Googled “WhoTheFu(kIsRonaBarrett?”)


(Yes, We realize that going to Wikipedia to Google is a mixed matador, but what can We say? We like hot men in tight pants who don’t put up with bull.)


(Heh. We slay Us. Are We ten of the funniest people you know, or what?)


(Whoever said “Or what?” can go kiss the lady from yesterday’s pixture right on the lips. No, the other lips. (Yeah, good luck finding those. Talk about your “roll her in flour and poke at the wet spot”.))


(You will have to forgive Us…as We told you, with Our rehearsal yesterday evening, We were unable to either Mardi or Gras. But, in the spirit of the party that the rest of all y’all were no doubt having without Us, here is a little nature video. Because We do so love to contribute to your edumacation. This is completely work-safe, although it may cause you to crave a liquid lunch. On a Caribbean island.)

(Speaking (as We were, a moment ago) of Our younger readers, it was brought to Our attention the other day that there are now, right here on this very planet, fully-grown folk who were born in (wait for it) 1990. Now, granted, they can’t legally drink yet (till next year), but still, there they are. The reason such a shocking fact was brought to Our (somewhat fickle) attention is that someone We know is actually dating such a person. (And trust Us, this is not one of those occasions where One is saying “this friend of mine” when One is actually talking about Oneself. If We were (subjunctively) dating such a person, the shortage of smelling salts in apothecaries of the Tri-State Area would have reached epic proportions by now. We would own a home defibrillator, and We would know how to use it. (Come to think of it, that might be fun even if One isn’t dating anyone. Or especially if One isn’t dating anyone.) Why, We have underwear that are older than these people. We could probably tell you where We were and who We were doing when they were born. We could only hope that the paucity of intelligent adult conversation would be compensated for by the fact that they can Do It eighteen times a day…)


(If anyone is looking for Us, We will be on match.com, lying about Our age.)


(Okay, literally and truthfully, this just happened: a dating service just sent Us an email that said “Why is Eric still single?” The only way We could be less amused is if We were (subjunctively) Queen Victoria’s gynecologist.)


(Speaking of origami sculptures made of c0ndom boxes, the WaitStaff’s post-VD sketch comedy show Desperate and Dateless plays for one night only at the World Café Live at 7:30 on Friday, February 19th, and you can buy your tickets here: http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 We are gonna have to wrap this cr@p up now, as We have an appointment to have Our hairs did.))


(Our-O-Scope…)


In theory, Aries people are forward-moving, non-procrastinating, self-motivating powerhouses. (Hmm. You didn’t mention “easily distracted”. Because you lost This Particular Aries at “are”.)


That's the theory. (Of a lovely lady. Who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them had hair of gold. From a bottle. The rugs don’t match the drapes. (Oddly enough, that didn’t rhyme. It did, however, force you to think about Cindy Brady’s pubes, so Our work here is done. (Ya know how We always say that every so often, We like to throw Our str8 boi readers a bone? Well, that was sort of an anti-bone.))


Of course, there are plenty of things which can be in your chart which make it hard for you to be all that. (Honey, We are All That, and A Bag Of Chips. (We have never actually known what the h3ll that was supposed to mean. So, if you’ve recovered from Cindy Brady’s pubes, and would care to explain it to Us, We’d be grateful.))


Right now, the fact that your ruling planet Mars is stuck in a reverse cycle means that you may have even more trouble getting motivated and moving. (It also means it’s probably time to add the fabric softener. Lemme just unplug this defibrillator.)


Rather than giving yourself a hard time, (Yeah. ‘Cause We wouldn’t want that, now would We? (Where’s a d@mn nineteen-year-old when ya need one?))


congratulate yourself on any small steps that you do take in the direction of where you want to be. (Congratulations! You may already be a wiener! Cindy Brady’s pubes!)



(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


4 out of 5 dentists recommend cowgrass for their patients who chew grass)