They’ll go ga-ga at the go-go when they see me in my toga

Greetings, Elements’ Relevant Intelligence Cinderella---


(No, We have no idea.)


Here is your horoscope for Monday, February 15, 2010 (Happy Presidents’ Day to Our American readers. Happy Presentiments Day to Our readers in Bangladesh, and Happy Prestidigitation Day to Our readers in Kuala Lumpur. (Do We have readers in Bangladesh or Kuala Lumpur? We have no idea. It’s Google™…we might. But nevertheless, who could resist an Eric’s Daily Horoscope with Kuala Lumpur in it? One Lumpur two?)):


(As you can see, We have lost what little was left of Our mind(s). Sketch comedy will do that to you. Especially when coupled with losing PowerBall™. Again. Some more.)


(Sorry…We just got distracted by bright shiny InterNetz. What were We talking about? Oh…nothing. Well, there you are then. We’ll just carry right on with that…)


(Does anyone…still wear…a hat?)


(OurBrandon visited Us over the weekend, all the way from MaryLand. (Perhaps it’s just Us, but “all the way from MaryLand” really doesn’t sound particularly far, does it? Sure, it’s another state, but then, so is New Jersey, and One could walk there from here. It’s not like it’s Kuala Lumpur or someplace. (Is it just Us (again), or is it really that the more We say “Kuala Lumpur”, the more it sounds like a name for a really ugly stripper?)) At any rate, OurBrandon left a hat behind. (“Leftahat Behind” being, naturally, an even uglier stripper.) Now, We are not generally a hat person, but, with Our hair currently being such an offense against taste and decency, We felt compelled to attempt to try the thing on. Turns out, Our @ssz is not the only thing around here that’s fat. Apparently, We have a Big Fat Head. (“Big Fat Head” is, as you’ve probably already guessed, Leftahat Behind’s Siamese twin sister. Now there’s an ecdysiastical extravaganza that has to be seen to be believed.))


(We shall pause here, while those who were unable to intuit the meaning of “ecdysiastical” from context go look it up and use it three times in a sentence to make it theirs. (Also, We really wanna see any sentence that has the word “ecdysiastical” in it three times.))


(You can pull all the stops out till they call the cops out, grind your behind till you’re banned.)


(Speaking of nipples to the wind and t1ts akimbo, the WaitStaff’s post-VD sketch comedy show Desperate and Dateless plays for one night only at the World Café Live at 7:30 on Friday, February 19th, and you can buy your tickets here: http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 . As of yesterday’s rehearsal, the show is now thirty-seven percent funnier than Leftahat Behind and Big Fat Head’s All-Singing, All-Dancing, All-Ping-Pong-Ball-Out-Your-C00ter-Shooting tribute to the Spanish Inquisition. (You weren’t expecting that, were you?))


(Are you a fan of the WaitStaff on SitOnMyFaceBook? http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=284897953188&ref=ts#!/pages/The-WaitStaff/177605379471?ref=ts )


(Our-O-Scope…)


Your gut feelings are your fortune right now. (Fine. Any day now, We shall open a business called Borborygmi-R-Us. Or perhaps We shall become an ecdysiast who f@rts ping-pong balls. The sky is the limit, the world is Our oyster, and freedom’s just another word for @ssraping Tom Cruise. (Speaking of borborygmus and related issues, is there any possible universe in which a double-fudge chocolate Pop-Tart™ can be good for you, even if it is high fiber? We didn’t think so. (That, however, did not stop Us.)))


Don't second guess them or question them. (H3ll, We never guessed ‘em the first time. It was kinda like trick-or-treating at Helen Keller’s house. (WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!))


Your insides are telling you all that you need to know. (Yeah. It’s like f@rt-noise Morse code. Dot-dash-f@rt, dot-dash-sh@rt (Ooops…wet f@rt...who’s got a comb?)).


It's not about being some kind of weird hippy-type sitting around with a long white beard, in a cave, meditating. (Speaking of hippies, after you’ve seen the WaitStaff show on Friday, if you happen to be headed to Woonsocket, Rhode Island (and, really, why wouldn’t you be?), you will want to check out Counterproductions Theatre Company’s production of HAIR! at the Stadium Theater. Info here: http://www.stadiumtheatre.com/Events.aspx?event=118 )


However it is all about tuning into what the hippies called your Higher Self. (The jokes, they just write themselves.)


What is he or she telling you to do? (Not Bogart that doobie?)


Now is a very good time to start listening. (I’m sorry…what?)


(Heh. See what We did there?)


Lovewise, make a(nother) sacrifice for someone you love and the karmic rewards will be good. (Mmm-hmm. These “karmic rewards” of which you speak…they are, We assume, like frequent flier miles? We can use them, say, to have Our love upgraded to first class? Or to get Our love a free flight to Woonsocket, Rhode Island? Or Kuala Lumpur?)


(Okay, We’re outtie. We are no match for bright shiny InterNetz this morning. Have a lovely holiday, and a happy period.)



(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


Cowgrass!…the American tribal love rock musical.)