This is the dawning of the Age of Uranus

Greetings, Enchiladae Reject Increased Cilantro---


(Well, why the h3ll isn’t the plural of “enchilada” written as “enchiladae”? They call theyselves Latinos, don’t they? So why don’t they speak Latin?)


Here is your horoscope for Sunday, February 07, 2010 (Being as it is Sunday, and also The Day After Snowpocalypse (also known as SnowMyGod (or, depending on the depth of your interrobang fetish, Snow!My!God!)), We decided to go with a religious pixture today. In case you’re, ya know, reading Eric’s Daily Horoscope on your iPhone in church. (Of course, if you are doing that, what pixture appears at the top of Eric’s Daily Horoscope is soon to be much farther down the list of Things You Should Be Worrying About. We’re just sayin’.)):


(We have precious little to report, having spent yesterday as We are sure most of you did, snowed in after the SnowJob. We learned Our lines, We shoveled Our snow, and We were pleased to have three loads of laundry backed up, because the hot air from the dryer exhaust vent melted a big ol’ hole in Our snowpile. Also, you will be pleased to hear that Our neighbor was only temporarily shifting snow onto Our sidewalk, prior to moving it further off, so We were not compelled to p00p in his mailbox, which would, no doubt have lent a whole new verisimilitude to the phrase “freezing your @ss off.”)


(We just threw “verisimilitude” in there to prove that, no matter what else shrinks in the cold, Our vocabulary doesn’t . Use it three times in a sentence and it’s yours. (“Verisimilitude”, that is, not Our vocabulary. We’re pretty sure that Our entire vocabulary would make for a rather unwieldy sentence.))


(And now, a word from Our sponsor. Well, actually, a word about Our sponsor(s). (No, We’re not going to bother to tell you to clique on Our adz. That might help Us out, and We wouldn’t want that.) If the URL at which you are looking at Eric’s Daily Horoscope looks like this: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/ , click on the title of today’s horoscope (which We haven’t made up what it is yet (edited to add: We have now: click on This is the dawning of the Age of Uranus)), so the URL now looks something like this: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2010/02/wind-began-to-switch-house-to-pitch-and.html (except with stuff about dawning age Uranus in the end there). (That would be yesterday’s horoscope.) You will notice that the adz, which are generated based on the contents of the individual blog post, are now all about snow removal devices. If you look at Thursday’s horoscope (http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2010/02/if-pitcher-paints-thousand-worms-then.html ), the adz are all about women’s clothing and crossdressing (Thursday, of course, was the infamous Day Of The Effeminate Rockclimber). We confess to being overcome with a wee frisson of anticipation as We wonder what today’s adz will be about. (But don’t clique on any. Oh, no. Because helping people is wrong.))


(Hmm…apparently, We had more to report than We thought. And, lest you thought We were done (or in case you are too overcome by Our use of both “verisimilitude” and “frisson” in the same horoscope to know what you are doing), here is the info about how to buy your tickets to the WaitStaff’s VD show Desperate and Dateless at the World Café Live at 7:30 on Friday, February 19th: http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 and visit Us at Our website http://www.thewaitstaff.com or on SitOnMyFaceBook http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/The-WaitStaff/177605379471?ref=ts . )


(Our-O-Scopes…)


With Saturn in your opposite sign, (Our Own Personal opposite sign is Libra. Libra is the sign of Balance. We? Are the opposite of that. Do you see the problem here, NumbNutz?)


you're doing it tough on the relationships front, one way or another. (I’m gonna find you, I’m gonna getchoo, getchoo, getchoo, getchoo. (Is there any morning that can’t be improved by a little Blondie?))


Some of you have a partner (And some of Us DON’T. And some of Us would like to suggest that you go fu(k yourself for pointing it out. Don’t taunt the wretched, bee-yotch.)


who's being incredibly demanding, and as much as you might love them there's no doubt it's taxing to take such good care of their needs. (We are clearly stuck in Someone Else’s Horoscope. We hope We will still get paid for writing this…)


Others of you are feeling a distance between you and your loved one. (Begging the question of just exactly how far is it to Uranus? (Which brings Us to a little pop music trivia…”Just Exactly How Far Is It To Uranus?” was the original title of the Dionne Warwick hit, “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” before Dionne had a psychic premonition that told her to change it. She and Burt Bacharach didn’t speak for several years over that.))


(Would We lie? We would not. (We would, however, now be sitting here thinking of songs with geographic place names in their titles, and changing them all to Uranus…”Welcome to the Hotel Uranus”…”Everything’s up-to-date in Uranus”…”Start spreading the news…I’m leaving today…I wanna be a part of it, Uranus, Uranus!”…See? Isn’t this fun?))


Try not to paper over any cracks this cycle - it really won't pay. (Well, of course not. Paper in the crack is just the beginning of the long downward spiral to dingleberries, and We all know it. Also, Jimmy smokes crack, and I don’t care.)


And some of you have to face romantic reality. (“I love Uranus in ze Springtime; I love Uranus in ze Fall…”)


Whatever the case, good news: today and the next few days promise some light relief. (We were gonna try to think up some more Uranus songs, but We are getting all excited to see what Uranus-based adz this mess generates. See ya on the flip side!)



(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


Everybody needs a little cowgrass-C.)