A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido

Greetings, Eunuchs Reverberated Inaudible Contralto---


Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, February 09, 2010 (We are pretty sure that a number of you were wondering why in the h3ll your morning visit to Eric’s Daily Horoscope here in beautiful downtown Bloggonia entailed your staring at a pixture of Dylan, and Brandon, and Brenda, and a whole bunch of other Peach Pit denizens rockin’ their 90s duds and dos. Well, this morning, when We Our Own Selves got up out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen and poured Ourselves a cup of ambition, We were greeted by an email from Yurrup. London, Yurrup, to be exact. Said email, which contained the multi-colored (and yet alarmingly Caucasian) pixture, announced that it was 90210 Day. Because, of course, in Yurrup, they write their dates DD/MM/YY. So today would be 09/02/10, or 9/2/10 (because why would you ever write or not write one zero (sorry, zed) but not write or not write the other?) We fired off a return email, in which We pointed out that over here in The Colonies, 90210 Day would actually be in September, but in retrospect (this clearly being a retro kind of morning) We feel We may have been a bit hasty. Why not just celebrate 90210 Day twice? After all, any excuse for a party and all that. Especially with Snowpocalypse II: Electric Boogaloo on its way.)


(Besides, We would still fu(k Ian Ziering.)


(So slap some mousse into your ‘do, stick some Nirvana on the boombox, and let’s party like it’s 1992! The only thing We’ll guarantee is that 90210 Day, much like every other day around these parts, will be Anything Can Happen Day.)


(The fact that Micro$oft Weird™ doesn’t recognize the word “boogaloo”, while alarming, certainly explains a great deal.) :


(We can’t wait to see what the Random Adz Generator generates based on this mess.)


(You may only skim the following if you are n@ked. Or if you’ve already bought tickets: please hurry on down to my house, honey, and buy your tickets to the WaitStaff’s VD show Desperate and Dateless at the World Café Live at 7:30 on Friday, February 19th: http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=3418 .)


(Our-O-Scope…)


If you don't have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true? (Also, if I can’t have you, I don’t want nobody, baby. (That’s not true. We’re not especially picky. P3nis, pulse, and paycheck. Tell your friends.))


As they asked many moon ago, in that lovely old song. (Clearly, Kelli is dating herself. Or, in this case, carbon-dating herself, as she is referencing a song that appears to be older than We are. Which is obviously impossible, as dinosaurs didn’t have opposing thumbs and, consequently, generally didn’t play the accordion. Unless, of course, you listen to the creationists, in which case you are liable to believe that dinosaurs made up the band on the Titanic. Yes, indeed, ladies and gerbils, that was Dino DinoSaurio and the Reptilianaires playing Nearer My God To Thee.)


(Gee, We sure hope Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet decided to n@kedly skim Eric’s Daily Horoscope today, or they’re in for an acid flashback nightmare of epic proportions.)


Your dreams and goals, what you wish for yourself and your goals - all of these are to be highlighted from today onwards for the next few weeks. (Was it just Us, or did the word “goals” appear one too many times in that sentence?)


Now is the time to think about your expectations. (We’re expecting? Well, that certainly explains the size of Our @ssz.)


Are you hoping and wishing for something which is starting to seem like it's really never going to happen? (No. This very weekend, We shall win PowerBall™ and marry Johnny Depp. We have Creatively ViZZZualized it, so it cannot fail to happen. In other news, you c00zesniffing @sshatted tw@tlick, We come here for answers, not to be asked stupid questions. KThxBye.)


Is there anything you can do, a last ditch effort, to try to turn things around your way? (Hmm…find an Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist who doesn’t ask so many g0dd@mn questions?)


And if not, is there any point clinging on to this dream or is there perhaps some other channel you can put your energies into? (Well, ever since the WB turned into the CW, We’re not quite sure how to channel Our energies. And, seriously, ANOTHER question?)


Or perhaps all is not lost and there is someone you know - socially, or through another network - who can help you? (Heh…get it? “Channel”…”network”…”Shut”…”Up”…”Kelli”.)


Think about it. (Think about this: in anticipation of the latest weather ab0rtion, we at the WaitStaff preemptively cancelled Our scheduled Wednesday rehearsal. What this should mean is that not a particle of snow falls on or anywhere near Us, much like carrying an umbrella prevents the rain. This, however, is trumped by the fact that the weather is going to happen to Us, and if We don’t soon get the h3ll out of this house We are going to go stark staring mad, so not only will there be three feet of snow, there will also be hourly snow enemas, which will somehow not result in Us getting any thinner. Our world and welcome to it.)


This is most definitely the time to be considering the people around you that you're somehow hooked up to. (If you are going to tell Us that Johnny Depp and Ian Ziering ran off together, We are going to stick our fingers in Our ears and sing la-la-la-la-la-la till you go away.)


It's also a good time to be assessing if your dreams and goals are your own or the result of peer pressure. (Hey, it’s 90210 Day…it’s a Yurrupean national holiday. All this “assessing” sounds an awful lot like work. P1ss off, d1ckweed.)


(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s cowgrass.)