Your own. Personal. Jesus. Pick up the receiver, I’ll make you a believer, uh-huh.

Greetings, Effusive Refusal Induces Confusion---


Here is your horoscope for Sunday, February 21, 2010 (If it’s Sunday, that pixture must be Jeebus. Or, now that We look at it again, possibly Charles Manson. Or maybe Marilyn Manson, incognito. But definitely not Marilyn Munster. (Oh, leave Us alone! We had a whole list of Things We Were Going To Get Around To Handling After Our Show Was Over, and now We are laid low with a wretched cold. As though We needed something to make Us less pretty. Sigh.)):


(Can We sell Our house because the guy next door has taken up the drums? No, seriously?)


(We are going to pause right here until the coffee finishes cooking itself.)


(And We have paused. And lo, We have seen that there is coffee, and behold it is good…

It was caffeination, I know
And it might have ended
Right then, at the start
Just a passing glance, Just a brief romance
And I might have gone on my way empty-hearted…what? Doesn’t everybody just randomly burst into song? (We really miss Glee. You too?))


(And now, here’s a little Eric’s Daily Horoscope audience participation game, inspired by an email from OurKelly. (This would be Our Cousin-In-Law Kelly, who spells her name like a grownup, not to be confused with Our Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli, who no doubt dots the I in her name with a little heart with a smiley face in it. (Hi, Kelly! You prolly thought We were ignoring your email, but We were just giving it time to percolate.)))


(So as not to confuse any of you who may currently be undercaffeinated (or, Heaven forfend, discaffeinated), We shall, at this juncture, begin a new paragraph. Presumably, many of you out there in Eric’s Daily Horoscope ReadersLand have friends. Many of said friends may be persons unknown to Us Our Own Self Personally. Out of all of these poor, hapless souls who have never had the privilege of meeting Us, there must be a few who are having birthdays in the upcoming two weeks or so. And, out of those, surely at least one or two are enlightened enough to realize what an honor and a privilege it would be to be a wished a happy twenty-fourth birthday in these hallowed pages. So, in Our beneficence, for a limited time, if you share a friend’s name and upcoming birthdate with Us, We shall wish them a happy twenty-fourth birthday right here in Bloggonia, and won’t you just look like quite the hip, hep, happenin’ friend?)


(Speaking of rare occasions (which, for any of Our cannibal readers, is totally different from rare Caucasians), We must offer Our kudos to Micro$oft Weird™ for flagging “hep” as not-a-word (even though We know it is). Way to be one of the Cool Kids, Micro$oft Weird™.)


(See? Audience participation, and We didn’t even ask you to buy a ticket to anything. (Meanwhile, the n@ked skimmers are all like, “Wha’?”))


(We just sneezed across Our computer screen. (We know how you love it when We share. (We also know how you love it when We Cher, but not today, kidz…We ain’t got the strength for the low notes.)) Aaaaaannnnddd this seems like as good a time as any for Our-O-Scope…)


If you feel like you can't go anywhere without meeting 15 people who want a piece of you, you're probably right. (Hmmm…We thought We were being facetious, but maybe We actually do have cannibal readers. There’s a brunch We’re not looking forward to. Also, We shall have to give more thought to those occasions on which We are given to saying, “Eat me.”)


Mercury's current passage through your 11th House of Friends is usually a very sociable time - people are drawn to you and want to talk to you. (Well, We suppose that’s better than people being drawn BY us. Although being drawn by Us would be somewhat better than being drawn by, say, Pablo Picasso. Because you’d be all out of perspective and have both eyes on the same side of your head. But you’d be worth an awful lot of money. Unless, of course, you were drawn in his Blue Period, in which case there’s a chance you’d look normal, and still be worth an awful lot of money. Which begs the question, did Picasso have a Happy Period?)


(We wonder if We have a fever. We don’t wonder enough to stick a thermometer up Our butt, but still, We wonder.)


Nice! (Wha’d’d’We, miss something? (Micro$oft Weird™ is denying all knowledge of “Wha’d’d’We” as a word. We can understand its confusion, as “Wha’d’d’We”, in addition to its Engrish meaning, is also Aramaic for “I’d walk a mile to blow a camel; one hump or two?” (Sure, it’s not that funny. But who the h3ll else do you know who tells Aramaic jokes?)))


But nothing lasts forever (Except possibly this horoscope.)


and this cycle will draw to a natural conclusion for another year in about a week. (Unless it gets its times muddled, and draws to a natural conclusion for another week in about a year.)


So get out and about and talk your friends' heads off now (Again with the cannibalism?)


for in the very near future, there's a very good chance you're going to want to or have to be alone a little more for a while. (So wait…would a cannibalistic hermit starve to death? Inquiring minds want to know…)



(YOUR-O-Scopes:


http://www.humorscope.com


which twin has the cowgrass?)