Belly up to the bar, boys

                                         

Greetings, Enter Renters, Intentionally Contentious---

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, November 03, 2010 (Happy Hump Day!  We have no idea why They decided that Hump Day should be the day AFTER Erection Day, but We’re sure there’s A Very Good Reason.  Speaking of erections, happy birthday to OurSean in Greater Bostonia, who turns twenty-four today.):

(Anybody else have a boner now?  Just Us?  Alrighty, then…moving on…)

(Herewith a little unsolicited free advice for some folks in the business of advertising.  (Kiss Us quick, We’re Don Draper.) If you are marketing a product, let’s say Slim Jims™, and you are aiming an entire WorldWideInterWebNetzian ad campaign for said product at str8 bois, and your campaign essentially consists of telling said str8 bois how very manly and macho and testosterone-filled they will be if they purchase and consume said Slim Jims™, you might want to refrain from referring to said Slim Jims™, which you are attempting to induce said str8 bois to purchase and put into their mouths, as “monster meat sticks”.  Just a thought.)

(Meanwhile, from The Department Of Freudian Typos, one of the times We typed “str8 bois” in the preceding paragraph, We accidentally typed “str9 bois”.  Those are, of course, the more well-endowed str8 bois.  (Hey, We said earlier, “speaking of erections”.  Weren’t you paying attention?))

(Sorry…We just stepped out for a moment to take a survey about a website We’ve never seen.  Needless to say, We were in favor of it except when We were opposed to it.)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

 Today is perfect for getting things started (Let’s get this potty stotted.)

— which is something you love to do anyway. (As, of course, are Monster Meat Sticks.  Meanwhile, does anyone actually EAT Slim Jims™? (We are now being distracted by Our unbidden mental efforts to compose the script for a new Adult Fillum entitled “Slim Jim’s Monster Meat Stick”.  (Hey, at least We recognize that it needs to be an Adult Fillum instead of a Children’s Book.)))

 It’s probably best to focus on your career, (Well, if not best, certainly a helluva lot better than a crocus on your veneers.)

or maybe any business issues affecting your personal life.  (Honey,  We ain’t got issues, We gots SUBSCRIPTIONS.)

Much as those eight hours we necessarily devote to earning our daily bread (If it takes Us eight hours to earn bread, how the h3ll is We gonna gets the rest of the sammich?)

(Who is this new voice who seems to have taken over in here? (Don’t look now, but it MAY be Busta Rhymes’ illegitimate sister, Tammig.  (Somehow We just KNOW Our Sistah Ovella is the only one who got that.)))

do cut into our social life, (Our social life used to consist of the crabs in Our panties, but they all died of boredom.)

(We just disgusted Ourself.)

most of us manage to get through them, sometimes even with just a hint of a smile and a positive attitude. (Well, there’ll be none of that cr@p in HERE.)

However, that may be tough to pull off sometimes, so do yourself a favor. (Chile, dat sentence be all fu(ked up, ‘cause “pullin’ off” IZZ “doin’ yo’seff a favor”.)

(Heh.)

Dangle a carrot (Oh, see, now.)

of your own creation in front of your face, just to get you through the day. (Stuff and nonsense, you ignorant git; that’s why G0d made recreational drugs.)

(Yep, that’s Tammig alright.)

Make terrific plans for the evening. (Yeah. We’ll get right on that.)

You’ve got a better sense of the nuances of your surroundings today (That’s Us…We gots a big ol’ “sense of the nuance”.)

— just right for figuring out romantic possibilities, flirting that edges up to outrageous without going over and much, much more. (That last part was dirty, wunnit?)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )