One tin soldier rides away

Greetings, Eventful Reinvention Implements Content----

Here is your horoscope for Thursday, November 11, 2010 (Happy Veterans Day.  In honor of the holiday, which is very irritatingly occurring in the middle of the week and preventing Our trash from being collected, We bring you an Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus C’est La Guerre Mon Frere Derrière Camembert Au Pair Frigidaire of a soldier who has clearly not read the fine print of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.   Also, happy birthday to OurCathy, who turns twenty-four today.  Presumably NOT in a red tutu, although One can never be sure.) :

(Micro$oft Weird™ would like Us to know that the sentence beginning “In honor of the holiday…” in the preceding paragraph is long, and that We should consider revising it. Hey, War and Peace is long, but We’ll bet Micro$oft Weird™ wasn’t all up Tolstoy’s @ss about revising it.  Shut up, Mcro$oft Weird™.)

(Y’all are thinking about Tolstoy’s @ss now, aren’t you?  Y’all are perverts.)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

To say that your personal magnetism is running on high would be unfair, and not entirely accurate. (Indeed.  If, by “not entirely accurate”, you mean “blatantly false”.)

The truth is, you're far more powerful than a magnet (We’re pretty sure that’s supposed to be “more powerful than a locomotive”.  Also, faster than a speeding bullet, and able to leap tall buildings in a single ballgown.  (Hey, you have YOUR superpowers, We’ll have Ours.))

because you won't repel anyone, (Not even a leper.)

(Does ANYBODY see what We did there?)

no matter which direction you turn toward. (Is it just Us, or is this really dull today?)

Keep that in mind before you casually begin flirting.  (Or farting.  Just sayin’.)

It's all good -- life, love and the fire burning brightly between you and your current squeeze. (Our only squeeze is a toothpaste tube.  Sigh.)

This is cause for celebration. (Hey, We’ll celebrate the opening of an envelope.  (Speaking of which, it occurs to Us that, if your birthday is on Veterans Day, you don’t get any birthday cards in the mail.  Sigh.))

A little hide-and-seek under the covers, maybe?  (Sigh.  Clearly, this is ten of the dullest horoscopes ever.)

(Sigh.)

Tough as it may be to resist, don't try to force anyone to do your bidding. (We wouldn’t even know where to begin.)

 Even if they buckle in to your demands, you won't feel good about it.  (On the other hand, Our demands will be buckled to, and Our bidding will be done.  How bad could We feel?)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )