Back in the USSR

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Monday, January 03, 2011.  (It occurs to me that I really must take a wee peek at my contract, and then have a discussion with Himself about changing the name of this epistle to “Starzina’s Daily Horoscope”.  (It further occurs to me that, if Himself were actually writing this, he’d’ve made a “weak pee” joke back there.  Wanker.))

There is precious little to report around these parts, but I was feeling bad for those of you who have had to return to the workplace this morning, after your lengthy Christmas hols. Himself, meanwhile, is still fast abed, having lost the remnants of what passes for his mind when he finally actually had a dream within a dream, complete with a reference to the first dream to a character in the second.  He won’t half create when he finally deigns to rise from his pillows!

On the plus side, Mercury has left Retrograde!  (And moved to Leningrad.  (That’s a little geography joke.  (Very little.  (Sorry.))))  Where was I?  Oh, yes…Mercury no longer is in retrograde.  Which means that if you’re finding communications tricky, or contracts complicated and obscure, or other people difficult to understand, it’s not the planets’ fault; you’re just stupid.

Meanwhile, those of you who are disconcerted to drop by here and be addressed by someone other than Himself will want to have a look at yesterday’s installment of Eric’s Daily Horoscope.  (Yes, there was a SUNDAY Eric’s daily Horoscope.  Himself TOLD you that things were going to change around here.)

(In other news, here’s Himself’s horoscope.  (Far be it from me to tweak it a little here and there for comic effect…)):

Your work needs have to come first today, (Indeed.  And Himself needs work, then, dunn’he?)

even if you have to deal with too many other concerns for your comfort.  (Oh, sure.  Himself is all nestled all snug in his bed, whilst I had to make my own morning tea, and now am typing my poor fingers to the bone without so much as me name above the title.)

It’s a really good day for you to lock yourself in your office and not come out.  (It just may be that this is someone else’s horoscope entirely.  Because I am here to tell you that, even when Himself was gainfully employed, he never had no office door that he could lock.  Poor sod.)

 It’s time to take care of business!  (Around here, that usually means a small load by hand. If you know what I mean.  And I think you do.  Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.)

While you don’t have to take that advice literally, you do need to take it. (Well.  Listen to Miss Kelli, with her big girl panties on.  How did she get HER job, if you please? I  could make money doing horoscopes on the Internets.)

Even if you’re not a Fortune 500 CEO, (Or an Indianapolis 500 grease monkey.  Or the host of The 700 Club.  Or Heinz’s 57^th variety.)

(All of a sudden, I’m not terribly sure that these leaves I brewed up earlier were tea.)

you’ve got a lot of responsibilities to attend to right now. (But don’t let that bovver you.  You just stay in bed, Ducks.  Starzina will see to everything.)

There are quite a few people counting on you (One…two…three…)

to make the right decision — in order to either save money or make money. (This Kelli girl is right dull, inn’she?)

You can avoid letting the pressure get to you by taking a more impersonal point of view.  (Zzzzz…)

You know what you feel and what you want — though you may have a tendency to stop there. (I dunno what that means.  Does anybody know what that means?  This b1tch is just stringing random words together, inn’she?)

Every interaction is two-way today. (You Americans just think it’s adorable to speak English improperly, don’t you?  Words have meanings, ducks.  Interactions are, by definition, two-way.)

Check out other points of view — or you might miss out on a vital clue.  (Look at that….she rhymed!  She’s a poet, but she’s unaware of it.  Stupid cow.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really.  She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman.  At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.  There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste.  Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.