Beef-A-Roni™’s really neat, Beef-A-Roni™’s fun to eat, Beef-A-Roni™ can’t be beat, HOORAY for Beef-A-Roni™!

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Thursday, January 20, 2011.  SO sorry about that subject line, Ducks, but if it’s stuck in MY head, why shouldn’t it be stuck in YOURS?

It would appear that, for something new and different, we’re going to have snow tonight and tomorrow.  Oh, the Winter Wonderlandishness of it all!  (For those of us in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back, “Wonderland” is a head shop.  Not sure how that relates to anything, but I’m just putting it out there.)

HOORAY for Beef-A-Roni™!  And, of course, its vegan counterpart, Seitan-Roni™.  (I was in a restaurant over the weekend where, when the waitron said “seitan”, it sounded like she was saying “Satan”.  Hilarity ensued.  The vegans were not amused.  Until we sacrificed a virgin for them.  Not, of course, an actual virgin…a TOFU virgin.  With a seitan hymen.  (“Tofu virgin” is much like “kung pao chicken”.  Except there’s no chicken in it.  And it’s never been pao’ed.))

I have no idea what brought on the preceding paragraph, except possibly a desperate desire to dump on some minority other than the Esquimaux.  I trust that Our vegan friends will take it all in the spirit of fun in which it is intended, and not get their knickers in a twist.

I said “knickers”…pay closer attention.

Somewhere in there is a Chubby Checker joke…and how many times does anyone ever say THAT?

You Yanks are so TOUCHY.

Your action today can have profound effects on the future, (But it can’t change your past.  Although it could change your pants. (Of course by “pants”, we Brits mean what you Yanks mean by “underpants”.  That’s what makes it funny.  Try to keep up.))

so it’s time for you to take life a little more seriously (Why?  Nobody makes it out alive.)

— but only a little! (Rich Little?  Cleavon Little?  Little Red Riding Hood?)

You may want to make sure that you’re dealing with the right people.  (Something tells me that Rich Little, Cleavon Little, and Little Red Riding Hood are NOT “the right people”.)

You’re not usually prone to daydreaming. (I am, however, usually prone for nightdreaming.  Not that last night was a prime example.  Of course Himself is still fast abed, so who knows what epics are in the making?)

Like your equally action-oriented predecessors — warriors of all kinds — you’re much more inclined to sit down with someone rational and make a battle plan, more so than letting anything as sentimental as intuition guide your actions. (Is it just me, or does it sound as if someone has been playing a little too much Dungeons and Dragons?)

Right now, however, you’re feeling remarkably soft (Watch it, Missy.)

and totally willing to let your gut feelings direct your actions. (With a fart-fart here, and a fart-fart there; here a fart, there a fart, everywhere a fart-fart…Old MacDonald had to fart, ee-yi-ee-yi-oh.)

(And you Yanks think I’m not tapped into American culture.)

If you need to take a day or so away from the world to let all this settle, (Calgon™, take me away!)

stay home with family and friends and indulge in lots of snuggling. (I fail to see how fabric softener is going to improve anything.  Also, that bear freaks me out.)

Your move doesn’t have to be pushy — make it friendly, something that doesn’t involve a big commitment.  (If you come shovel my snow tomorrow, I’ll give you all the fabric softener you can drink.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really.  She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman.  At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.  There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste.  Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.