All of them had hair of gold, from a bottle

  

(Heh.  Yesterday’s Erix Daily Horoscope subject line was “I’m too sexy for my shirt”, from, of course, one-hit-wonder Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Relax”.  Today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour gentleman is clearly too sexy for A shirt.  What’re the odds?)

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Furzday, February Twenty-Forf.  (It’s not a speech impediment, Ducks, it’s an accent.) Happy birfday to the lovely and talented MizGerreGarrett, who turns twenty-four today.  Those of you who are unable to see her today to wish her a happy anniversary of her nativity should be hurrying on over to http://tickets.worldcafelive.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=1616 to buy tickets to the WaitStaff’s World Café Live show on Sunday, where you are cordially invited to proffer your birthday felicitations following the performance.

We have absolutely nothing new to report.  It strikes Us that this is the first time in quite a while that We’ve actually issued an epistle every day of the week. (We just researched that…apparently, it struck Us incorrectly.  We issued epistles every day of the week that began with Monday, January 31.  (We would say that the mind is the first thing to go, but clearly Our ass started going long before this.  Started going ALL OVER THE PLACE, that is.)

One is now busily trying to work out a joke involving “issued epistles” and a lisp.  Cindy Brady is in there somewhere (and when did you ever imagine Susan Olsen gracing these pages?) “Cecil ceaselessly issued sequential specious epistles, successfully silencing seditious seashell sellers…if Moses supposes his toeses are roses, then Moses supposes erroneously…”

Not even Cindy Brady could save that joke.  Obviously, this is a job for Langston Hughes’s boner.

Before We get distracted by bright, shiny WorldWideInterWebNetz again, herewith, We lithped, the horothcope (thuffering thuccotash):

You have all kinds of great energy coming down today, (Not quite sure we understand the concept of “great energy” “coming down”, but soldiering on at any rate.)

and should be able to get almost anything started. (Oh, we have no problem getting any number of thing started.  It’s getting them finished that’s a sticky wicket. (Oh, look!  A wicket!  And it’s sticky!))

It’s one of those days (Aren’t they All?)

when you need to be busy pretty much every waking minute!  (Wait a minute…”waking minute”?  “Sticky wicket”?  Stick a pin in it, Golden Ticket…WEEEEE feel a song coming ONNNNNNN….)

(Sorry.)

Every once in a while, it’s okay to be entertained by the soap opera lives of others. (And if this bloody horoscope takes much longer, We’ll be missing The Young and the Rest Of Us.)

There are some particularly juicy real-life storylines going on around you, (Goodness!  We certainly hope We don’t get any on Us!)

and today you get an inside glimpse at a few details. (So is that “behind the scenes”, or “behind the obscenes”?)

But this emotional eavesdropping isn’t so much a gossip-fest as a cautionary tale. (Wow.  Is it just Us, or was that sentence absolutely FRAUGHT with meaning?  We may just have to pause and reflect for a moment.  That was ever so heavy, it’s practically deuterium.  (That was a little science joke, for Our nerd readers.  You’re welcome.))

(This just in, from The Sainted Mother: “I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.” (And YouPeople wonder where We get it from.))

Certain aspects of a situation ring a familiar note with your past, and this is an opportunity for you to see how taking a different path could affect your life.  (Well, you know what They say about the Road to Hell.  At least it’s paved.)

You can take almost anything that anyone else dishes out for now, (Wait…someone’s cooking for Us?!?  When does THAT ever happen?)

but someone new might require a gentler approach. (Can We get back to you on that?)

 Even if you’re only joking, try a little sugar (Screw that…try honey.  Sugar’s too grainy.  (oooops…sorry; what were We talking about?))

— like a sincere compliment. (No, Ducks, those jeans don’t make your ass look fat.  Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.)

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Your YOUR-O-Scopes:

http://www.humorscope.com )

Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really.  She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman.  At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.  There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste.  Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.