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Monday, July 21, 2014

Ooooo-hoooo, whichy woman…

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManWich™Monday, July 21nd , 2014.

Happy Birthday to Adam, who turns twenty-four today in FairBrooklynThePrideOfTheThornInTheSideOfNewYork.

Happy Birthday also to Christopher, who also turns twenty-four today all the way out in WhereInTheWorldIsCarmenSanDiego.  Which is a city We tend to forget about when We think of The Left Coast, which We imagine being divided between El Lay/WeHo and Fran Sancisco, where they think Rice-A-Roni™ is a treat. Which is odd, considering that We have actually BEEN to WhereInTheWorldIsCarmenSanDiego, but We have NOT been to Fran Sancisco, where they think Rice-A-Roni™ is a treat.  Which is all We are going to say about that, as this is now a paragraph which is well on its way to containing an entire coven of whiches.

Which (heh) reminds Us, We miss Our friends in The Which City…shout-outs to Kevin, and Tyson, and Gregory GODDAMN! G., et. al.

Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to Allen and Christopher, each of whom turned twenty-four this past weekend.

For those of you Gentle Readers who are truly following along AND keeping score, We have not seen ANY of the aforementioned Birthday List OR Which City Dwelling gentlemen naked.

Speaking of WhereInTheWorld, Where In The World Is Casey Kasem’s body?

Also, for those who were wondering, We did in fact successfully do We Are Our Own Husband on Friday night.  We are thinking of opening up a William Shatner School Of Thespianism as a result.

(Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), We just mistyped “Shatner” as “Shartner”.  Insert scatological verb conjugation jokes here.)

Speaking of scatologic, tickets to the WaitStaff’s Fringe Festival show, The WaitStaff Sh!ts The Bed!, are now on sale here: 

In other other other news, We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the sign of Cancer, Our video for which is above …and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends: ))).


Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Cancer video, which is the second  Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video We ever made.  Just look how far We’ve come! (Ooops…did that get in your eye?):

And here’s the HorrorScope:

Robin Williams, Don Knotts, and Jon Lovitz were all born today.  William Shatner was not born today.  We have no idea what any of that means, but now you know. 

And now, as We must be off to write scripts for The WaitStaff Sh!ts The Bed!, We present AssHatted Kelli’s blatherings sans commentary:

Don’t worry too much about that obstacle in your path — it’s much less important than it seems. In fact, it may be simpler to just go at it than to try to think up ways to get around it.  You’ve got a lot of living to do and you may have been going a little overboard lately — but knowing impulsive you, it’s probably surprising that you haven’t gone further than you have! It’s time now to sit down and look things over, though, with an eye toward creating — and sticking to — a nice, stable budget. Now stop giggling. You can do it. Besides, aren’t you trying to save up for a vacation?  A daytime date looks especially great — brunch, a bike ride, a swim, a walk through a cool, quiet museum together. If a romantic prospect isn’t available, take a friend and introduce yourself to people along the way!

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.