Wot I calls “enterprise”, poppin’ pussies into pies.

Greetings, Endust™ Removes Intractable Chalkdust---

(If We say “chalkdust” is a word, then “chalkdust” is a word, and up yours, Micro$oft Weird™. (And the lovely people at Endust™ must be tickled beyond ticklition to discover that you don’t think THAT’S a word, either.  (Just wait till We get Endora on the phone…)))

Here is your horoscope for Friday, September 17, 2010 (Happy birthday to Our Fellow WaitStaffian, Sara, who turns twenty-four today.  Also, happy birthday to Lex, all the way over in China, who, in an odd coincidence, also turns twenty-four today.  Or tomorrow. Or yesterday.  Depending on what day it is in China.  (The Korean part of China, if that makes any difference.  Possibly something to do with the International Date Line.  In case One is looking for an International Date.  Which, in the Korean part of China, would presumably be a geisha. (Or a gay geisha, for you rice queens out there.)))

(Politically correctum?  I nearly KILLED ‘em. (Speaking of politically correct rectums, We just turned the background of all that stuff about China yellow.  Put THAT in your rectum and smoke it.))

(So We FINALLY received Our voiceover demo recording (you will recall that Our class ended on April 7…clearly, The Universe was not moved to rush Us into gainful employment in the lucrative voiceover industry.)  It is, dare We say, reasonably brilliant, so at least it was worth waiting for.  Now what, The Universe?)

(If you want to hear it, ask and We shall send you the file.  Or a cake with a file in it.  Or something.)

(Our-O-Scopes:)

Anything more important than what to order for take-out (We feel like We should order Chinese, in honor of Lex’s birthday.  Oddly enough, We have never seen a Chinaman on a bicycle bringing food to any house in Our neighborhood.  Although there is certainly no shortage of Chinese restaurants.  There is, however, somewhat of a dearth of cats.  Hmmm…)

or what to watch while you're eating it (It is the very last day of As The World Turns.  So there’s that.)

should definitely be put on hold. (Suicide Prevention Hotline…please hold.)

Remember that, (YOU remember that.  We’re busy remembering the Alamo.  Also, the Tickle Me Alamo.)

(What?)

especially if you're in the company of someone who's good at making you forget. (We are old.  We don’t need any help forgetting things.)

No major decisions are to be made for at least 48 hours. (What about majorette decisions?  To twirl or not to twirl…that is the question.)

Obsessive? No. (You say obsessive and We say compulsive…you say compulsive and We say obsessive.  Compulsive, obsessive, obsessive compulsive, let’s call the whole thing fu(ked up.)

(Who doesn’t love a showtune?)

(Apparently, Micro$oft Weird™ doesn’t, because it doesn’t think “showtune” is a word.  Don’t let Irving Berlin hear you say that.  Because he’s, ya know, dead.)

Extremely focused? (Extremely fu(ked up?)

Absolutely. (Fabulous.)

But please don't mistake these urges for anything that resembles love. (What’s love got to do, got to do with it?)

Not yet, at least. (Not leased, as yet.)

(What?)

Next week is another story. (Well, good.  Because the plot of this one is wearing a little thin.)

Remember Mom asking you at least a thousand times if everyone else jumped off the bridge, would you? (Actually, no.  We do not recall The Sainted Mother ever uttering such words.)

If you're not sure, at least invest in a parachute. (Alternatively,  invest in parachute pants.  The 80s, they are making a comeback.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Cowgrass…over fifty billion served)