The Addams Family started when Uncle Fester f@rted

Greetings, Eunuchs Resent Insubordinate Countertenor---

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, September 29, 2010  (Happy Hump Day, Humpsters!  (Humpster, humpster, in a dumpster, humping, humping Herman Munster (fu(king Tourette’s Syndrome)).  We just dropped in (to see what condition Our condition was in) because We didn’t drop in yesterday, but this will have to be quick (that’s what she said), as We are off today to Wilmington to do the advance work for Our performances there this weekend.  Latest reports from Our friends to the south are that We are going to sellout yet again, so get your tickets quick: http://www.shopcityfest.com/Fringe-Wilmington/Fringe-Performances/The-Real-Housewives-of-South-Philly .  They are only five dollars. (No, you do not get fries with that.))

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

Make a list of everyone you really want to mend fences with, and devote the day to doing just that. (Hmm…is it just Us, or does this “mending fences”  sound suspiciously like a lot of work?  And not only work, but the sort of rough-and-tumble blue-collar Little House On The Prairie type of work to which We Our Own Selves Personally are particularly unsuited?   We think We’ll be giving this “mending fences” business a miss, ThankYouVeryMuch.)

(Speaking of work, We are headed to Wilmington today to Assess The Technical Situation.  

(The Technical Situation, for the civilians amongst you, encompasses things like the size and shape of the performance space (will Our big fat @ssz fit into it?), dressing rooms and bathrooms, and equipment that makes light (so the audience can see Our big fat @ssz eclipsing the sun) and sound (to cover up the sound of Our thighs rubbing together as We waddle.)

We are making a new non-parenthetical sentence in the middle of this parenthetical to inform you that Micro$oft Weird™ just felt compelled to inform Us that the PREVIOUS parenthetical (beginning with “The Technical Situation…”) is a LONG sentence, and did We want to revise it?  Why, no, We did not, and perhaps you might want to do something about your SHORT attention span, Ricky Retard-O.

Why they are sending Us to handle any of this, when We are possibly the least technical person anyone has ever met, is beyond Us.  Fortunately, We will be accompanied by a highly skilled technical person, so perhaps We are just there as a cheerleader.  Whatever have we done with Our pompoms?)

Forget about what you said and why you said it, and vice versa. (We have already forgotten the beginning of the preceding sentence.)

Think about what you miss, (Being able to see Our feet?)

why you miss it (Duh.)

and how just one short conversation can fix it all.  (Only if that conversation is with Jenny Craig.)

It may have seemed like an awkward thing to say or do, but you made your point. (Of course, no one was LISTENING, but still…)

Trust that, and refuse to think shoulda-woulda-coulda. (We do indeed refuse to think in non-words.  @sshat.)

What's the use?  (We may just replace Our entire wardrobe with T-shirts that say this.)

Admit your errors. (We would.  If We ever made any.  (We thought we were wrong once, but We were mistaken.))

Smile, nod and shrug your shoulders -- a lot. (Is this some new workout plan of which We are unaware?)

Then go back to your room, lock yourself in a closet and have a tantrum, with no expletives deleted.  (First of all, have you met Us?  We don’t do “in the closet”.  Also, what’s the use (heh) of a perfectly good tantrum if no one can see or hear it?  Jeebus.  Also also, We hardly need to be encouraged to use Our expletives, you dicklicking roachfu(ker.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Cowgrass…I can’t believe I ate the whole thing)