Some cats & rats & elephants but sure as you're born you're never gonna see no unicorn

Greetings, Exterior Refurbishment Improves Chateau---

(Chateau, chapeau, Jacques Cousteau (eau, eau).)

(That was a little French Tourette’s Syndrome, to start your morning off right.  In case you’d mixed up your French toast with your French tickler.  (Oooh la la, Francois the French tickler.))

(Our Own Personal morning is going to be taken up building an ark.  But, before We undertake anything so arduous as actual BUILDING, We want to be sure that We can actually round up two members of the Swedish men’s Olympic swim team, two Abercrombie and Fitch models, two g@y male p0rn stars…)

(Hey, you can put the frigging two lemurs, two penguins, two naked mole rats, etc., on YOUR d@mn ark…do you have any idea what lemur p00p smells like?)

Here is your horoscope for Friday, October 01, 2010 (October, already!  Who knew?  Happy birthday in advance to CuteBoiInTights, who turns twenty-four over the weekend, and who isn’t reading this.  Remember when Our mamas raised Us with manners?  Clearly, some of Us don’t.) :

(So far, We have had a nun and a p00p joke.  We are just up to Our eyeballs in comedy in here this morning.)

(Meanwhile, latest reports from Our friends to the south at FringeWilmington are that We are going to sell out yet again, so get your tickets quick: http://www.shopcityfest.com/Fringe-Wilmington/Fringe-Performances/The-Real-Housewives-of-South-Philly .  They are only five dollars. And check out Our SitOnMyFaceBook event for more info: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=107145189347561&ref=mf .)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

Your energy has been brighter and bolder — but it will be again, too! (Our energy has apparently been watching too many laundry detergent commercials.)

You just need to ride out this rough patch (Why?  Have the Abercrombie and Fitch models been manscaping again?)

and keep from getting too frustrated. (Oh, please.  All the p00py primates are on YOUR ark.  Scat queen.  OUR ark is a freakin’ circuit party.)

(Some of you no doubt find yourselves stuck back on the “riding out the rough patch” image.  We shall pause here for station identification to give you a chance to catch up.)

It may be a sign that you need to take a break.  (And not for coffee, neither.)

Hanging with your family is the ultimate getaway. (In the wake of the recent trends in the news, We shall tastefully refrain from making any “hanging” jokes just now.  Although We would no doubt quickly change Our mind(s) if We could get Our hands on some of the so-called “Christians” who are offering their opinions on same.)

You feel comfy and cozy and able to let all the recent tension of the past just slide away. (Hey, with a frenzy like this, who needs an enema?)

This may carry over into an urge to redecorate your pad (So is “redecorate your pad” a euphemism like “Aunt Flo coming for a visit”?  Inquiring minds want to know…)

(Heh.  “Redecorate your pad”.  We kill Us.)

or other ways to feather your nest and make it more welcoming. (Hmmm….feathers never occurred to Us.  Where’s that hot glue gun?)

Remember to consult with anyone else who shares your personal space before you make any drastic changes, though — they might want some input, too. (He could have all the d@mn “input” he wants, but We’re pretty sure he doesn’t swing that way.  (That joke is only gonna make sense to a very few of you.  I beg your pardon, I never promised you Marcia Gay Harden.))

 If you’re feeling moody, (Kickin’ down the cobblestones…lookin’ for tampons, feelin’ moooody….)

a saccharine movie with a friend might be just perfect. (Have you SEEN Perfect?  What were they THINKING?)

You get an emotional workout in a cathartic fashion, (Great.  We’ll be having Our period, explosive diarrhea, and projectile vomiting all at the same time.  Kiss Us quick, We’re Linda Blair.)

and then you should have someone to joke about it with later on.  (Har-de-fu(kin’-HAR.  Shut. Up. Kelli.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Cowgrass…when you care enough to send the fairy dust)