But then we got drunk and fooled around and had a booty call

                                         

Greetings, Eczematous Rash Impairs Complexion---

Here is your horoscope for Friday, October 22, 2010 (Happy birthday in advance to AJ, who turns twenty-four this weekend.  And to JohnB, who also turns twenty-four this weekend.  That’s a total of four dozen, for those who are counting.):

(Micro$oft Weird™ would like Us to change “a total of four” to “four”.  Micro$oft Weird™ should mind its own fu(king business.)

(Today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Shia LaBeouf Bourguignon, while clearly dated, was chosen because of a dream We had last night in which We found Ourself on a staircase that only went one way (We did not recall, upon waking, whether said way was up or down) when We wanted to go the other. We could see the stairs that went the way We wanted to go opposite Us, but We could not get to them.  (Obviously what We have here is the script treatment for the next Shia LaBeouf star vehicle, Going My Way Up The Down Staircase.  Bing Crosby and Sandy Dennis are rolling in their respective graves.))

(Anybody who didn’t understand the last part of that, get off my lawn.  Those of you who are still saying, “Who the fu(k is Shia LaBeouf?”, come sit next to Us.)

(In the interests of full disclosure, We should point out that We had no idea how to spell either “LaBeouf” OR “Bourguignon”.  We DID know how to spell the Frawnch “boeuf”, which obviously helped Us FIND “Bourguignon”, and, in Our own defense, there appear to be several approaches to spelling same. Presumably, however, Mister LaBeouf only spells his name one way.  Oddly enough, We have never had any trouble spelling “Johnny Depp”.)

(Aaaaand now We’re hungry for Boeuf Bourguignon.  Great.)

(So.  All that horse vomit yesterday, and still no pony.  Oh, and Our leg still hurts.  Thanks for asking.)

(Jeebus Cripes:

)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

This is the energy that's often in the building (What building?)

when actions are taken that merit medals, (What medals?)

awards and undying gratitude. (Gratitude is dead.  Also, God is dead: Nietzsche.  Nietzsche is dead: God.)

(We are pausing here to congratulate Ourself on spelling “Nietzsche” correctly the first time and without any help.  Yay, Us.)

Keep that in mind when you're asked to go above and beyond the call of duty. (Oh, dear.  Somebody’s gonna be very upset if they mix up their doody call and their booty call.)

(That was a little scatological humor for Our scatological friends.  Yes, indeedy doo-doo, folks, there’s something for everyone here at Erix Daily Horoscope.)

Collect yourself, (How many of Us are there?)

and dole your energy out wisely (“Dole out your pineapples”…funny?  Not funny?  We feel like We’ve lost all perspective.  Clearly, We are the MC Escher of humor.)

(Heh.  See what We did there?)

... a little at a time.  (Oh, was that sentence still going on?  Too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad.)

They're thinking a lighthearted comedy and some chamomile tea would be perfect. (Who the hell are “They”?)

Yeah, right. (Oh, the sarcasm!  It stings.  (Also stinks, but who’s counting.))

Drop them off early and pick up a video and a beverage that's more to your current tastes. (Who wants to watch Disco Beaver From Outer Space with Us?)

Career or education may soon necessitate an exotic trip. (Yeah, We wanted to take an exotic trip this weekend, but We couldn’t make it work.  Sigh.)

Oh, stop acting like you hate the idea. (We hate so many things.  Ideas are just one of them.)

Is your passport current? (Wow.  Talk about your cliffhanger endings.  That’ll bring ‘em panting back next week to see what happens next, won’t it?  Jeebus.)

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Cowgrass…you’re worth it)