The hiiilllls are alive with the sound of Muzak

Greetings, Extra Ravioli Instigates Controversy---

(Is one ravioli a raviolus?  Inquiring minds want to know…)

Here is your horoscope for Monday, October 18, 2010 (Happy belated birthday to Aunt B, who turned twenty-four yesterday.):

(Today’s Erix Daily Horoscope Pixture Du Jour Au Jus Fine French Brandy Mahatma Gandhi Rama-Lama-Ding-Dongs-And-Ho-Hos-And-Twinkies™-Oh-My is there simply to illustrate the fact that, apparently, succeedblog.org and We Our Own Selves Personally have different definitions of “success”.  (In case you were wondering, Our Own Personal definition comes with the caveat that “success does not suck”.))

(In still other news, Our computer is broken again in the exact same way it was broken when it took Dell three tries to realize that it needed a new video card.  Said new video card was installed at the beginning of September, and apparently on Planet Dell, it is perfectly acceptable that it has broken less than six weeks later.  Or at least that’s what Princess Dothead, the tenth (count ‘em, TEN(TH)) Dell representative We spoke to on Friday seemed to think.  (By “spoke”, of course, We mean “hollered at, albeit without cursing, but possibly with some disparagement of her ancestors”.)  Allegedly, a replacement part will be arriving today or tomorrow.  We shan’t be holding Our breath (and not even because We have persuaded some lackey from a Third World country to hold it for Us.))

(Meanwhile, in Our dreams last night, We were at the airport preparing to board a plane for Yurrup.  What the h3ll We were going to Yurrup for, We haven’t got any idea, but it soon became clear to Us that We were going to be the only passenger on Our plane.  The stewardess, who was a female acquaintance of Ours who would be much more likely to be flying the plane than stewardessing it, attempted to persuade Us to come back the next day, as she didn’t “want to put in the time”.  Unfortunately, We woke up before this fascinating conundrum was resolved and, consequently, We never made it to Yurrup.)

(Is Our life fascinating, or what?)

(In cultural news, We watched two fillums this weekend:  Up in the Air, in which One spent ninety minutes praying for George Clooney and everyone else involved to die in a fiery plane crash, and A Single Man, which is possibly the most depressing fillum ever made without any Nazis in it.  So there’s that.)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

You’re facing something pretty serious right now, (Not The Heartbreak Of Psoriasis AGAIN?)

but you can handle it — just like you handle everything else!  (Don’t lie…YOU were thinking “Johnny Depp’s p3nis” too.)

The key is to not let yourself get distracted by any petty annoyances.  (Distracted?  We couldn’t possibly get dis—oh, look; a balloon!)

Today marks the start of something. (And in what daily horoscope could you NOT put that sentence, you @sshatted c00zelick?)

Maybe a smile lingers a little too long (Hey, We were just handling Johnny Depp’s p3nis…We’ll be smiling for a good long while now.)

— or a handshake is encouragingly firm (See, now you’re just being dirty.)

 — perhaps someone moving out of town has set you free. (Well, EVERYONE moving out of town has gotten on Our last g@y nerve.)

Whatever shape this shift takes, (Our sh1tshake brings all the boys to the yard.)

you’ll feel it strongly today. (Whatevs.  It’s Monday.  Who cares?)

Look for a sign that things are coming together (Again with the smut.)

 — and then move! (YOU move, bee-yotch.  We’re stayin’ put.)

Do not hesitate. (He who, uh, hesitates, uh, masturbates.  (Heh.  See what We did there? (Oh, shut up and give Us a tissue.  (Tissue?  We hardly know you.))))

Forget any requirements you may have about what constitutes proof. (If it’s not at least eighty proof, We don’t want any.)

If you wait too long, you could miss out on this opportunity.  (Okay, this?  Sounds exactly like “mail before midnight tonight and receive this free set of Ginsu steak knives.”)

Your usual direct, straightforward kind of energy is a little wacky today, and romantic efforts could go awry in odd ways. (Johnny Depp’s p3nis.  That’s Our story, and We’re stickin’ to it.  (Hey, YOU’RE the one who wouldn’t bring Us a tissue.))

 Try to let things mature somewhat, (Didja ever notice that “mature” and “manure” are only one letter apart?)

(Yeth, folkth, it’th another pithy obthervation.)

 instead of pushing hard (OOOOOOOHHHH!!!)

or starting over. (Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.  When you read, you begin with “A-B-C”.  When you fu(k, you begin with “Johnny Depp’s p3nis”. (Kiss Us quick, We’re Julie Andrews.))

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

I can see myself in this cowgrass)