Smells like teen spirit

                                         

Greetings, Eating Ramennoodles Incapacitates Collegians---

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, October 20, 2010 (Happy Hump Day!  We Our Own Selves Personally have been enjoying Our Hump Day since four AM, which is when We decided to wake up for good.  We made valiant efforts to go back to sleep, but finally left the bed at 7AM to come play on the WorldWideInterWebNetz with al y’all.   Also, Happy Spirit Day…as you can see, in honor of the occasion, We have made “ramennoodles” all one word.  Because it’s totally cuter that way.  In unfortunate news, however, We are pretty sure the only purple thing We have to wear is a big ol’ sweater that’s gonna be much too warm for today’s weather.  (It goes without saying, does it not, that We mean the only gender-appropriate purple thing.  We could wear Lady Purple for a solid week and never wear the same thing twice.  As long as We could find some truly militant control-top pantyhose.))

(Meanwhile, speaking of bed, in the brief time that We WERE asleep last night, We were paid an official visit of some sort at Our very HouseWhereWeLive by The President.  Of the United States.  We’re not exactly sure what he wanted, as most of the dream seemed to be taken up with preparations for his arrival.  And just the night before in Dreamland, We had been performing (sans rehearsal, as all the most horrifying actor’s nightmare dreams are) in The Rocky Horror Show. As BRAD, if you can imagine it.  Which is understandable, what with the upcoming Rocky Horror episode of Glee. Not so understandable is why OurKathleen (hi, Kathleen!) was playing Janet.)

(Lord, We’re tired.  And We fear We’re making even less sense than usual.  Maybe Jeebus will help Us…

)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

First thing this morning, find some bodyguards and commission them to discreetly nudge aside anyone who gets in your way. (Oh, please.  If We had anything remotely resembling employees, their first duty would be to talk on the phone to people from Third World countries.  (Although We should mention at this juncture that Princess Dothead did come through and send Us a new video card.  Of course, it arrived after the computer had mysteriously repaired itself.  Our world and welcome to it.))

(In still other news, We would like to commend Micro$oft Weird™ for pointing out the split infinitive in Kelli’s alleged sentence.  We don’t care how relaxed the rules of grammar pretend to become in these troubled times, We ain’t havin’ any split infinitves.)

You won't take no for an answer!   (Since when do people even bother answering Us?)

'Maybe,' or 'We'll see,' won't work either. (And “your daughter’s pregnancy has brought much happiness to our village” is so occasion-specific.)

Anything less than absolute acquiescence to your demands will quickly lead to a heated situation. (“Absolute Acquiescence” was, of course, Our nickname in high school.  Unfortunately, the boy whose nickname was “Heated Situation” never asked Us to acquiesce to anything.)

Consider carrying a fan!  (If they are Our fan, shouldn’t THEY be carrying US?)

You've had all the bickering you can stand. (Indeed.  Let’s move on to lickering and dickering, Doc.)

You're ready to deliver an extremely terse good-bye. (Oh, please.  Have you met Us?  When were We ever terse?)

 Just be sure you don't rush out immediately to find yourself another worthy opponent.  (“Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots” have just leapt unbidden into Our sleep-deprived brain.  Do they still make those?  (It would appear so.  We just banged Our crystal ballz together and came up with this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock_'Em_Sock_'Em_Robots .  No need to visit the site unless trivia thrills you, although We will share with you that the highlight, for Us, was the fact that, in the UK, they are called “Raving Bonkers”.  Those wacky, zany, madcap Brits….ya gotta love ‘em.))

After weeks of imploring a certain someone for five teeny, tiny minutes together, they've unexpectedly suggested an entire evening. (Is it a teeny, tiny evening?)

(It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the…no, it’s the size of the boat.)

Tonight. (Well, it IS Hump Day, after all.)

Unfortunately, your place is a mess. (It is NOT…The President was just here and everything.)

So what to do? (Johnny Depp’s laundry? (Or at least a small load by hand.))

Duh -- have dinner out.  (Didja ever notice how people start sentences with “Duh” to indicate that what they are about to say is obvious, when, in reality, it’s often just something really stupid?  (Did We mention that We hate people?  (Although not as much as yesterday.  Yesterday, We wanted to punch everybody on the InterNetz right in their faces.)))

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes):
http://www.humorscope.com

Never let ‘em see ya cowgrass)