It was a graveyard smash

                                         

Greetings, Eggplant Replaces Indigo Chromatically---

Here is your horoscope for Friday, October 29, 2010 (So, Happy 81^st Anniversary of the Stock Market Crash of 1929, which kicked off The Great Depression.  What We are currently having is clearly a mediocre depression at best.  Speaking of Things That Are Old, We Our Own Selves Personally are apparently now so old that Betty White shows up in Our dreams.  Seriously.):

(Oh, it wasn’t THAT kind of dream.  Get your mind out of the gutter…it’s crowding out Ours.)

(Also, Happy Trick-or-Treat to all you tricky treaters, untreated tricksters, titty twisters, and tinkle tweeters. (She sells chenille shells by the shores of Gitcheegoomee. (You will be pleased to learn that, in the spirit of accuracitiousness and factualicitiance, We just went and Googled “Gitcheegoomie” on Wikipedia to find out what the fu(k it is.   Turns out, it really isn’t anything except in that poem.  Also, We are spelling it wrong.  But, since it’s just made up, We don’t give a sh1t.  Too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad.))  Meanwhile, if you got all the way through that dual parenthetical, and are STILL wondering to yourself, “What the h3ll is a tinkle tweeter?”, come sit next to Us in the gutter.)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

Enjoy some comfort food, some great big hugs and that wonderful sound your cat makes while it happily kneads your lap. (If anything is gonna “happily knead Our lap (!)”, it sure ain’t gonna be a pussy.)

This rare and wonderful thing you're experiencing is called contentment. (Or diphtheria.  One of those.  They’re easily confused.  (Which one has pustules again?))

(Sorry.  We forgot Ourself.  Once again, behaving in a manner We had sworn to eschew (gesundheit (thank you))).

You've earned it, and it's now your duty to enjoy it. (“It’s your duty to enjoy it”…hmmm.  Why is it that that doesn’t sound like any fun whatsoever?)

 You've been going all-out for weeks, (Which has been really fu(king up Our Hokey-Pokey score.  We keep falling over.  (Oh, come on.  YOU try, “You put your right leg out, you put your right leg out, you put your right leg out and you shake it all about” without falling over.))

with no breaks. (Except with reality.)

Take the evening off and have some actual fun. (There is more “actual fun” in that sentence if you change the beginning to “take the evening gown off”.  Just sayin’.)

You know what they say about all work and no play ... (Something about crack and Myrna Loy.  Or Myrna Loy’s crack.  Old sayings are confusing.)

(We just looked up Myrna Loy.  Had she lived, her crack would be a hundred and five years old.  Put THAT in your (crack)pipe and smoke it.)

You've definitely put in your time showing the world what you're made of. (Wait…the world’s been watching Us p00p?  How very sad for the world.)

The world will take notice soon. (We’re gonna recommend removing “notice” from that last sentence, and replacing it with a lovely blank.  Which it is now Your Doody to fill in.  Won’t that be FUN?)

 In the meantime, hang out at your place with dear ones, and take a nice nap.   (See, THIS is why no one ever visits Us.  “Hi, come on in, I’m gonna go take a nap.”  Talk about your hostess with the mostest biggest balls.  (Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), it is a well-known fact that Ethel Merman had ENORMOUS balls.  (On the other hand, Micro$oft Weird™ autocorrected “mostest” to “moistest” in that sentence…We have absolutely no information regarding Ms. Merman’s ballicular moistness.  Sorry.)))

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

So kiss a little longer, longer with cowgrass.)