Am I blew?

                                         

Greetings, Emu Revue In Corfu---

Here is your horoscope for Tuesday, October 26, 2010 (We don’t know how on earth We manage to go on living in a neighborhood in which every time We try a new restaurant for dinner, We wind up with a new favorite restaurant, but somehow We muddle through. (Because you are no doubt peeing green with envy, We shall permit your jealous little selves to live vicariously through Us: http://www.levirtu.com/ .  (Please note that the restaurant’s website does not have a picture of the newly-dedicated outdoor mural, nor of the terrace, on which We Our Own Selves Personally enjoyed Our dinner.))):

(Sigh.  Now We are hungry for dinner all over again.  On the other hand, We are still Us, while you are wishing you were (subjunctively) Us, so We win.)

 (Our-O-Scopes:)

What mere mortals erroneously think of as 'luck' has little or nothing to do with coincidence, and everything to do with smelling an opportunity while it's still in the oven.  (Is it actually possible for a metaphor to be mixed when it only has one part?)

You have been temporarily equipped with superpowers that will alert you to such a deal.  (And which exact superpowers would those be?  Because if it’s X-ray vision, We’re gonna spend the rest of the day watching Johnny Depp movies.  Just sayin’.)

Be alert!  (What the h3ll’s a lert?  Scr3w that noise!  Be a clown, be a clown, all the world loves a clown.  (Actually, clowns are kind of scary.  And weird.  One suspects that they molest children.  (There’s a circus in Our pants, and everybody’s coming.)))

(Micro$oft Weird™ would like Us to know that “all the world loves a clown” should be “the entire world loves a clown”.  Please a lert Judy Garland.  Also, it would like Us to change “clowns are kind of scary” to “clowns are somewhat scary”.  In an effort to achieve compromise, We have decided to change it to “clowns are fu(king scary”.  Never let it be said that We are not kind of somewhat fu(king agreeable.)

 Delay, postpone, reschedule or just flat-out cancel. (Funny, We were just discussing that very thing.  Not, of course, so much “funny: ha-ha” as “funny, people don’t usually just burst into flames without warning like that”.)

Doesn't matter which option you choose. (That is true of so many things in life.)

Remember, you don't want to burn those bridges permanently. (I will burn you down….like a briiiidge over Ethel Waters…)

 Don't you dare give them the old 'gotta wash my hair tonight' excuse, no matter who 'they' happen to be, or what happened last time they asked. (What the h3ll happened to “Delay, postpone, reschedule or just flat-out cancel” from just three sentences ago?)

This is different.  (Indeed it is.  And “different” is such an interesting word.  As is “interesting”.  Both, for example, could be applied to the proverbial turd in the proverbial punchbowl.  So, no matter how much people try to pretend that they have pleasant connotations, they don’t.)

(Micro$oft Weird™ would like Us to know that “turd” is not a word.  Micro$oft Weird™ has clearly not been spending the morning at Our house.)

Choose another day to ask for that raise, promotion or deluxe perk package. (Firstly, One would presumably have to ask for a JAWB before One asked for a raise or a promotion.  And sexually, We are attempting to imagine just what exactly “deluxe perk package” is a euphemism for.)

For now, be pleasant, accommodating and efficient.  (Have you met Us?)

Even if it kills you.  (Now THERE’S a plan.)

  

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):

http://www.humorscope.com

Insert Cowgrass commercial here.)