Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Monday, June 13, 2011…or Tuesday, June 14, 2011, depending on how ya look at it.
Happy birthday to anybody whose birthday it was/is/will be yesterday/today/or tomorrow. Catch those birthday wishes here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBwdacfn2Vk and pass them along to all your other Gemini birthday-having friends. (Of course, since We’ve only gotten four “likes”, and two of them are from Us and Our director, We don’t imagine all y’all can even work your damn WorldWideInterWebNetz, let alone figger out how to share anything, so fuck you.)
Meanwhile, We would tell you all about jury doody, but, as a lovely Latina said to the assembled jury doodiers this morning, “We’re not supposed to be talking about this stuff, right?” Whereupon they spent two minutes talking about the weather and then went right back to talking about the case.
Randomly, Our very favorite horoscope ever from the Souf Philly Review: “ARIES: Whatever you do, don’t agree to anything.”
Words to live by.
And here’s a picturesque picture set of pixturesque pixtures from The City That Loves You (On Your ) Back. Enjoy:
In other news, We had two separate dreams about having The Sex with two separate bois last night, before We realized that both bois shared a common trait with The Boi We Really Want To Have The Sex With. (Everybody who just said, “A penis?” , go to the rear (heh) of the class.)
Speaking of penises (penii?), Our favorite graffiti du jour is a crude drawing of a penis on the entrance to Our subway, with the inscription “This is not a penis”.
In still other news, We succumbed to the Tony Awards last night, and We have come to the realization that what is wrong with Our life (and, by extension, probably most of YOUR lives) is that, of all the people We meet, most of them are NOT Neil Patrick Harris. Seriously. Also, of all the people We (and, by “We”, We mean, “We and, to a lesser extent, you” (or, if you really want to stretch it, “Us”)) ever meet who are NOT Neil Patrick Harris, most of them are also NOT Johnny Depp. Honestly. Why ever get out of bed in the morning?
We would put Our horoscope here and answer it back, but really? We had jury doody today. What did you do for Us?
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.