Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, April 9rd , 2014.
Happy Birthday to Derek, who turns twenty-four today (for only the second time!) somewhere across the bridge in New Jersey.
“Derek” is another one of those names We have always liked. Not like “Kevin” (see recent dissertation on “Kevin”s here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/04/some-people-call-me-maurice.html ), where We have never (to the best of Our recollection) met a Kevin We didn’t like. We have, in fact, met Dereks We didn’t like. On the other hand, We know a Derek who’s a stripper, and, for some reason, We tend to think of him first when We hear the name.
Does it surprise anyone that We are the sort of person who knows strippers personally?
Warm kisses on your opening, meanwhile, to TheLovelyAndTalented Doh, who will be appearing in this for the next little while: http://www.montgomerytheater.org/shows/musical-musicals-musical
Speaking of time (what?), here is something from someone with entirely too much time on his or her hands: http://lovedbdb.com/nudemenClock/index2.html (We know it says “nude men” in the title, but if this is Not Safe For Your Work, you need to re-evaluate where you work.
In random other news, We had a dream last night that We were on Big Brother, choosing amongst Our twelve remaining fellow housemates (none of whom We knew) to choose three teams of four. For a farting competition. We shit you not.
Our question, of course, is, what in the hell is the matter with what passes for Our mind? Who thinks of stuff like that?
Shifting gears, please Save The Date for Saturday, May 10th, as the WaitStaff will be playing The Mother of All Match Games at L’Etage. More on that story as it develops, but inside sources tell Us that Jesus H. Christ’s celebrity chair will be taken by His Mother, Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod! You won’t want to miss THAT!
Also, We are doing another installment of Our radio play thingie this Thursday at seven. Please see info here https://www.facebook.com/events/354066574733564/ , and get your tickets quickly, because there is extremely limited seating. (And We’re not kidding about that…it takes place in the ballroom of an historic Philadelphia house, and We could pretty much only get one ball in there.)
We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity. Our Aries video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:
Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! We wouldn’t want him to get mad.
And here’s the HorrorScope:
It is Tom Lehrer’s birthday. Hence today’s subject line. If you do not know who Tom Lehrer is, search his name on YouTube. You’re welcome.
It is also Hugh Hefner’s birthday. Speaking of strippers.
Your creative powers are peaking today, (So it’s all downhill from here? Shit.)
so make sure that you’re dealing with old problems in new ways. (Is it wrong that that sentence mainly made Us glad that it didn’t mention NEW problems?)
(Did We mention that We know strippers personally?)
It’s a really good time for you to brainstorm with your colleagues or family members. (It’s gonna brainstorm…wear your rubbers.)
Here’s another day that’s astrologically perfect for letting the world know just how good you are at your chosen area. (Why would We want the world all up in Our business? What has the world ever done for Us?)
This doesn’t mean you have to make enemies, (But one enema wouldn’t hurt.)
but you also don’t have to deliberately shun the spotlight if it’s offered — and it will be. (Oh, listen to you, Little Miss I-Predict-The-Damn-Future.)
You can be modest (Which is no mean feat, when you’re THIS DAMN AMAZING!)
(Heh. See what We did there?)
and discreet (Did We mention that We know strippers? Personally?)
while still allowing yourself a chance to garner some well-deserved praise. (“Garner”, you say?)
Get out there and have some fun! (If only…)
It should be a great day, so try not to waste it behind a desk. (We will get wasted wherever We damn well please.)
A big adventure is just about to get started if you have the energy to handle whomever is waiting for you. (See, this is why Kelli is an Ass Hatt…she makes it sound as though “whomever” is standing in the way of Our big adventure, even though that’s not what she means. (Also, kiss Us quick, We’re PeeWee Herman.))
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.