Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg, April 11rd , 2014.
Happy Birthday to Nick, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Also too, Happy Birthday also too to Nancy, who also too turns twenty-four today. In Illinois. But not Chicago. Or Illinoisapolis. Actually, according to SitOnMyFaceBook, Nancy started out in Rockford, Illinois, then moved to Rockton, Illinois. Gee…hope she didn’t break a nail.
Thanks to everyone who came out to see The Walker and O’Dare Mystery Radio Hour last night. The next installment will be May 8.
In other news, please Save The Date for Saturday, May 10th, as the WaitStaff will be playing The Mother of All Match Games at L’Etage. More on that story as it develops, but inside sources tell Us that Jesus H. Christ’s celebrity chair will be taken by His Mother, Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod! You won’t want to miss THAT!
In still other news, Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! is coming up on a landmark…We will very shortly be celebrating our THOUSANDTH e-pissode in Bloggonia! Stay tuned for updates on the festivities!
We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity. Our Aries video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:
Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! We wouldn’t want him to get mad.
And here’s the HorrorScope:
We have no idea who the top ten “celebrities” born today even are. Welcome to Our dotage.
To make up for the birthday dearth, here’s this: http://www.queerty.com/zac-efron-will-accept-award-shirtless-should-probably-never-wear-a-shirt-again-20140411/
Today lacks excitement — but that might be just what you need. Try not to wish for an adrenaline rush, as you may get a lot more trouble than you had hoped. Sometimes boredom is optimal. (Wow. Way to Scope that Horror, Bee-Yotch. We’re just gonna stop right there. Peace out, Peeps, and have a wakka-wakka weekend.)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.