Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! For ThurstonHowellTheThird’sThirdThirstyThrowbackThursdayInThurgoodMarshall’sThermals, April 3th, 2014.
So when last heard from, We wished a Happy Birthday to fourteen people.
One of them responded, “Ha!”
Now, granted, it was April Fool’s Day, and it was not actually their birthdays, but still.
In other tragic news, there is apparently a lime shortage: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/lime-shortage-skyrocketing-prices-u-s-linked-mexican-drug-cartel-article-1.1741878
We closed the murder mystery last weekend, after running for a year. So thank you to everyone who came out for that over the course of said year. We are opening the next one tomorrow, and it could only possibly be less ready to open if We hadn’t written it yet. So there’s that.
We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity. Our Aries video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:
Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! We wouldn’t want him to get mad.
And heereeeere’s the HorrorScope:
(Answer it back your own selves…We can’t be arsed.)
You’re moving slowly today — which is a good thing! A fast pace is sure to end up costing you valuable time when you are forced to backtrack, so just take the day one step at a time. Your financial accounts have become rather tangled recently, so don’t pretend to yourself that everything is just peachy. Blindly ignoring the issues just makes things worse for you, but if you roll up your sleeves, you have the chance to get back on the road to fiscal well-being. Forget about risky investments, get-rich-quick plans and silly spending. Focus on saving money and dafer investments to get back on track. What with all the recent activity, it’s only natural to slow down and give matters of the heart some serious thought. Your charm is undiminished, though, so don’t be surprised if stuff keeps right on happening.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.