Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, April 15rd ,
2014.
Happy Birthday to Amanda, who turns
twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Happy Birthday also to Doug, who also turns twenty-four
today, all the way out on the other side of This Great State Of Ours.
When people ask Us what state We live in, We generally
answer “Confusion”. When they look at Us
blankly, We say, “See?”
(That is completely made up…no one ever asks
you what state you live in in a conversation.
However, We DO frequently say that when filling out online surveys,
which DO ask what state you live in. (Why yes, We DO talk out loud in
OurHouseWhereWeLive when We’re all alone…doesn’t everybody?))
In other news, if you read Our blurb about Musical
of Musicals: The Musical yesterday, and were considering going, here is
their review in today’s Inquirer (please note that the picture caption
referring to them as the “crack cast” does not mean they are actually on
crack. We have sung a song or two in Our
day, and One could not possibly sing with One’s teeth falling out):
http://www.philly.com/philly/entertainment/20140415_Musicals_tomorrow__musicals_tonight_.html
(Please note also that, now that We look at it again, they are each and every
one of them more attractive than that publicity photo would have you believe.)
If you did NOT read Our blurb about Musical
of Musicals: The Musical yesterday, We reproduce it here for your
convenience:
We ventured forth from The Cradle Of American
Civilization yesterday to see Musical of Musicals: The Musical at
the Montgomery Theater (We’re not exactly clear on where We were
geographically, but We suspect We were somewhere near the O Hai, Ohio border.
(If you imagine that such intrepid exploration was occasioned by one or more
handsome young gentlemen, you would be entirely correct.))
At any rate, if you are one of Our far-flung
Gentle Readers, you should definitely give your horsie a carrot and have him
carry you on out to this show, wherever it may be, as it is a great deal of
laugh-out-loud fun. Info is here
(apparently, they have InterNetz in The Hinterlands now…who knew?):
Please note also that the actual title seems
to be THE Musical of Musicals… We have been erroneously omitting the “THE”
since We first heard of the thing, because it reminds Us of the song “Miracle
of Miracles” from Fiddler on the Roof.
Not, mind you, that We are a big Fiddler on the Roof fan. Our high school once did Fiddler on the Roof. We went
to a Catholic high school. They cut out
all the Jewish references. The show ran
in between morning announcements and the Pledge of Allegiance. There were no songs. It seemed to be about some guy named Tevye
who was trying to grow a beard.
(Obviously, We are joking.)
((We never went to high school.))
In other news, please Save The Date for
Saturday, May 10th, as the WaitStaff will be playing The
Mother of All Match Games at L’Etage.
More on that story as it develops, but inside sources tell Us that Jesus
H. Christ’s celebrity chair will be taken by His Mother, Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod!
You won’t want to miss THAT!
In still other news, Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope!
is coming up on a landmark…We will very shortly be celebrating our THOUSANDTH
e-pissode in Bloggonia! Stay tuned for updates on the festivities! (Today, for
those of you who are wondering, or who are mathematically inclined, is E-pissode
Number 998.)
We find Ourselves (not that We were looking
for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the
harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity. Our Aries video is above, and here is the
link with which you may share it with your friends:
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone
in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie
Starfish, for comparison:
Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We
need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited
Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! We wouldn’t want him to get mad.
And here’s the HorrorScope:
In celebrity birthday news, Emma Watson
actually DOES turn twenty-four today.
So, presumably, the rest of Us can just give it up.
Charm is your best friend today, (Oh, great…friend-zoned
by Prince Charming. Kiss Us quick, We’re
an ugly stepsister.)
so make sure that you’re thinking it all
through before you try to get anything from anyone. (Wow.
Way to make it specific, Ass Hatt.
All human endeavor is futile…The End.)
Your best bet is to hear them out before
making your case. (Sorry…did you say something?)
(Heh. See what We did there?)
Your world’s an orderly, balanced and bright
one, and you’re doing your part to keep it that way — putting selfishness aside
and enjoying giving just as much as you’re delighting in receiving. (Um…have
you MET Us?)
This generous mood of yours also gives you an
extra-sparkly charm factor, which won’t go unnoticed by those around you and
may be noticed by one person in particular.
(Yeah…people are always telling Us that…that the first thing they notice
about Us is Our extra-sparkly charm factor.
That, and the fact that We smell like patchouli and failure.)
You’re the center of the universe, of course,
but making it all about you is a big mistake for the time being. (That sounds like it COULD BE vaguely
flattering, but We are astute enough to recognize it for the big ol’ fat joke
that it is.)
(You DID know that We were a stute, riiight?)
Turn your attention (Sorry…what?)
toward those fortunate enough to be near you
and let them take center stage for a while.
(Yeah, okay. We’ll just be over
here, insanely doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different
results.)
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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