Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, April 15rd , 2014.
Happy Birthday to Amanda, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Happy Birthday also to Doug, who also turns twenty-four today, all the way out on the other side of This Great State Of Ours.
When people ask Us what state We live in, We generally answer “Confusion”. When they look at Us blankly, We say, “See?”
(That is completely made up…no one ever asks you what state you live in in a conversation. However, We DO frequently say that when filling out online surveys, which DO ask what state you live in. (Why yes, We DO talk out loud in OurHouseWhereWeLive when We’re all alone…doesn’t everybody?))
In other news, if you read Our blurb about Musical of Musicals: The Musical yesterday, and were considering going, here is their review in today’s Inquirer (please note that the picture caption referring to them as the “crack cast” does not mean they are actually on crack. We have sung a song or two in Our day, and One could not possibly sing with One’s teeth falling out):
http://www.philly.com/philly/entertainment/20140415_Musicals_tomorrow__musicals_tonight_.html (Please note also that, now that We look at it again, they are each and every one of them more attractive than that publicity photo would have you believe.)
If you did NOT read Our blurb about Musical of Musicals: The Musical yesterday, We reproduce it here for your convenience:
We ventured forth from The Cradle Of American Civilization yesterday to see Musical of Musicals: The Musical at the Montgomery Theater (We’re not exactly clear on where We were geographically, but We suspect We were somewhere near the O Hai, Ohio border. (If you imagine that such intrepid exploration was occasioned by one or more handsome young gentlemen, you would be entirely correct.))
At any rate, if you are one of Our far-flung Gentle Readers, you should definitely give your horsie a carrot and have him carry you on out to this show, wherever it may be, as it is a great deal of laugh-out-loud fun. Info is here (apparently, they have InterNetz in The Hinterlands now…who knew?):
Please note also that the actual title seems to be THE Musical of Musicals… We have been erroneously omitting the “THE” since We first heard of the thing, because it reminds Us of the song “Miracle of Miracles” from Fiddler on the Roof.
Not, mind you, that We are a big Fiddler on the Roof fan. Our high school once did Fiddler on the Roof. We went to a Catholic high school. They cut out all the Jewish references. The show ran in between morning announcements and the Pledge of Allegiance. There were no songs. It seemed to be about some guy named Tevye who was trying to grow a beard.
(Obviously, We are joking.)
((We never went to high school.))
In other news, please Save The Date for Saturday, May 10th, as the WaitStaff will be playing The Mother of All Match Games at L’Etage. More on that story as it develops, but inside sources tell Us that Jesus H. Christ’s celebrity chair will be taken by His Mother, Mrs. Mary MotherOfGod! You won’t want to miss THAT!
In still other news, Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! is coming up on a landmark…We will very shortly be celebrating our THOUSANDTH e-pissode in Bloggonia! Stay tuned for updates on the festivities! (Today, for those of you who are wondering, or who are mathematically inclined, is E-pissode Number 998.)
We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity. Our Aries video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:
Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! We wouldn’t want him to get mad.
And here’s the HorrorScope:
In celebrity birthday news, Emma Watson actually DOES turn twenty-four today. So, presumably, the rest of Us can just give it up.
Charm is your best friend today, (Oh, great…friend-zoned by Prince Charming. Kiss Us quick, We’re an ugly stepsister.)
so make sure that you’re thinking it all through before you try to get anything from anyone. (Wow. Way to make it specific, Ass Hatt. All human endeavor is futile…The End.)
Your best bet is to hear them out before making your case. (Sorry…did you say something?)
(Heh. See what We did there?)
Your world’s an orderly, balanced and bright one, and you’re doing your part to keep it that way — putting selfishness aside and enjoying giving just as much as you’re delighting in receiving. (Um…have you MET Us?)
This generous mood of yours also gives you an extra-sparkly charm factor, which won’t go unnoticed by those around you and may be noticed by one person in particular. (Yeah…people are always telling Us that…that the first thing they notice about Us is Our extra-sparkly charm factor. That, and the fact that We smell like patchouli and failure.)
You’re the center of the universe, of course, but making it all about you is a big mistake for the time being. (That sounds like it COULD BE vaguely flattering, but We are astute enough to recognize it for the big ol’ fat joke that it is.)
(You DID know that We were a stute, riiight?)
Turn your attention (Sorry…what?)
toward those fortunate enough to be near you and let them take center stage for a while. (Yeah, okay. We’ll just be over here, insanely doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.