Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManEatingManateeMonday, April 7rd , 2014.
Happy Birthday to Colleen, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles. Also, Happy Birthday to Nick, who also turns twenty-four today, somewhere on the outskirts of The City That Loves You (On Your ) Back.
Happy Belated Birthday, meanwhile, to OurAmericanCousin Adam, Bill, Chris, OurMizDonna, MarciaMarciaMarcia, Michael, and Randy, each of whom turned twenty-four this past weekend.
Speaking of this past weekend, Our new murder mystery opened during same, and did better than it had any business doing. Naturally, We were unable to give away the two free tickets they gave Us (which was galling, mainly because they never GIVE Us anything), so you’ll just have to take Our word for it.
Speaking of things We want but can’t have, We wanted one specific thing on Friday (amidst a lot of general things, like not going up on Our lines, or dropping an entire tray of drinks down the stairs), which, naturally, being Us, We didn’t get.
Now, Faithful Gentle Readers of these e-pisstles will be aware that one of the life-lessons We have long been in the process of learning is to ask for the things We need/want. And We have not been doing too badly in that regard, if We do say so Our Own Self.
The thing We wanted on Friday was not a chocolate chip cookie. (Although all this talk has made Us hungry for one now. (Preferably with nuts in it. Because what isn’t better with nuts?)) Although, unlike the chocolate chip cookies in the preceding paragraph, it wouldn’t have cost anything.
The moral of the story is, give somebody a goddamn cookie today, a-ight?
We have been at this for quite some time today…no idea why. We were going to continue Our “things We want but can’t have” theme with a guess-what-We-want-for-Our-birthday contest, but that will probably have to wait, for the most part, till tomorrow. (See…right away We give you something to which to look forward!)
We find Ourselves (not that We were looking for Us, but it’s a figger of speech) in the glorious sign of Aries, the harbinger of Spring and the anniversary of Our Own Personal nativity. Our Aries video is above, and here is the link with which you may share it with your friends:
Also, for those of you who like cups of tea, and history, and someone in a tree, here is Our previous Aries video, featuring Our mother, Rosie Starfish, for comparison:
Also also, now that We have left Pisces, We need to randomly mention Johnny Depp, to return him to Number One Cited Celebrity status here at Eric’s!Daily!Horoscope! We wouldn’t want him to get mad.
Meanwhile, in a bizarre twist of fate, most of the celebrities who were born today are people no one has ever heard of.
And here, in lieu of a time-consuming call-and-response to the Ass Hatted Kelli, is a reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
Madame Olivia is very happy to have you back.
Madame Olivia once heard an astonishing 9-year-old say "I'm not perfect, but parts of me are excellent!" Muse on what this might mean for you and try this on yourself when you need encouragement or perspective. Madame Olivia finds herself invoking it quite often.
Little Aries, sometimes control is wrested from us, no matter how powerful we are, or how determined. The current lineup in the heavens is angled so heavily towards movement that change is going to happen whether we want it or not. You, fortunately, will be able to ride the currents toward positivity. The more you stay attuned to other people, the easier this will be. Keep your ears open and your whiskers poised to receive vibrations.
Watch for the colors red and orange
It has been a pleasure being with you. Madame Olivia wishes you all the best until we meet again.
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.