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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

My baby takes the morning train

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday,  November Ellebenst, 2014.

Happy Veterans Day to all of Our veteran Gentle Readers.  Well, not OUR veteran Gentle Readers…that sounds like We mean people who have been reading Us for a long time. (Parenthetically (hence the parentheses), didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here: )

Happy Birthday, meanwhile, to OurMizCathy, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

Also, Happy Birthday to Dito, who also turns twenty-four today, also right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

SitOnMyFaceBook, meanwhile, would have Us believe that Antique Row is also twenty-four today.  Twenty-four does not sound particularly antique to Us. (We have panties that are older than twenty-four. (They say “Ye Olde Tuesday” on the front. (They are also edible.)))

(You’re picturing all of that right now, aren’t you?  Pervert.)

(We’re not even wearing any panties at the moment.)

(Good god…you’re not picturing THAT now, are you?  We’ll pause here while you mental floss.)

Happy Belated Birthday to Miz LOretta, who turned twenty-four yesterday, but whose birthday wishes only made it into the late e-dition of this e-pisstle. (You didn’t realize We had a late e-dition?  Indeed We do. (We also frequently run from room to room hollering, “Stop the presses!” (We don’t actually have any presses.)))

We have precious little else to report (Precious Little is, of course, Chicken Little’s slutty sister.  (Else is her married name. (Vacation time shares are still available in the windmills of Our mind for January and most of February.))), so We suggest that, if you’re in the mood for Our usual humor with a  side of smut, you check out yesterday’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt Day here: 

or any of the “Elih Tani naked”/”Elih Tani’s penis” chronicles, somewhere in the vicinity of here: 

Oooh, but before We’re outtie, We do have this video, in which somebody’s roommate is caught on fillum cleaning up after a Halloween party in his underwear.  It is Safe For Work, assuming that your workplace has no problem with hawtt bois in their underwear. (and, if your workplace DOES have a problem with hawtt bois in their underwear, you need to quit.  Because, seriously?

Meanwhile, We have leapt feet first, nipples-to-the-wind and tits akimbo, into Scorpio, and Our Scorpio video is above. Here is the link with which you may share it with both of your friends:  

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.

In celebrity birthdays, it is Leonardo DiCaprio’s fortieth birthday, and what more reason to celebrate does anybody need?  Now, you might think that Leo would be a Leo, but if he (subjunctively) were, today wouldn’t be his birthday.

We bet We STILL don’t get any cake. In other news, We would do Our usual call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli, but her entire horoscope today seems to be a fat joke…

Trying to eat your feelings instead of dealing with them? That’s dangerous for both your emotional and physical health. Take a small step toward recognizing what’s going on and put down the cookie that you automatically grabbed when things became a little stressful. If necessary, you can have it later. But for now, think about what triggered that automatic response toward food. Was it actual hunger? Didn’t think so.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne
 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.