Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for JustAnotherManicuredManateeManhandlingManacledManxesMonday,
December Eightst, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Bryan, who turns
twenty-four today, right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Also, Happy Birthday to Aaron, who also turns
twenty-four today in the suburbs of
The City That Loves You (On Your) Back, aka Collingswood, Jew Nersey, which
always makes Us think of Collinwood from Dark
Shadows, which you would think was leading to something amusing, but isn’t.
.
And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy
Birthday to Bill, who also too turns twenty-four today. In Yew Nork.
Yew Nork, Yew Nork…The City That Doesn’t Sleep (With Us).
Belatedly, Happy Belated Birthday to Frank,
and Josh, and Matt, and Nadia, each of whom turned twenty-four this past
weekend.
But enough about Other People…let’s talk
about everybody’s favorite subject: Us!
We have received a Best Of Holidailies™ Award for Our Holidailies™
e-pissode on Our Sistah Ovella’s birthday!
(See said award here: http://www.holidailies.org/entries/bestof#entry-1286
and said e-ntry directly here: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/12/time-passages.html
) We are positively shrilled and ignited, as well as honored beyond belief!
So, in addition to Our Sistah Ovella, Our
sincere gratitude and thanks to Allen, Blair, Bryan, Kevin, and Peter, each of
whom appeared in the e-pissode in question and was pictured naked therein. (We are STILL waiting for Our sexts,
gentlemen.)
We would also like to thank the members of
the Holidailies™ academy, and also all the little people.
Speaking of Our Sistah Ovella, We went to
watch her frut and stret her hour upon the stage yesterday, in a play called Clever Dick.
Which, while indeed clever, was not quite so forthcoming with the
dick. It was all great fun, though, and
naturally Our Sistah was brilliant (it’s genetical, don’t’cha know?), as was
Our friend Marilyn, whom We don’t see nearly enough of. They run for one more week, and you can
obtain your tickets here:
Meanwhile, it is Our considered opinion that
EVERY play should henceforth be called Clever
Dick (or, if appropriate, Clever Dick:
The Musical!), thereby increasing audiences exponentially.
You’re welcome.
In other news, We had a dream last night in
which some really annoying person was attempting to get Us to solve some
complexicated mathematical problem in order to design an acceptable bed for
Ourself. Seeing as We were already firmly
ensconced in a perfectly acceptable bed, both within the dream AND in real
life, We for the most part told this person where he could go and what he could
do once he got there.
We have leapt recently into Sagittarius, Our
video for which is above. (If We had Our
finger on Our ephemeris We could tell you exactly when. (Dirty-minded Gentle Readers with limited
vocabularies just went scurrying off to Google “ephemeris” on Wikipedia. Quests for knowledge are HAWTT.))
Here is the link with which you may share Our
Sagittarius video with both of your friends:
http://youtu.be/6f1m5GLfk1Y
And here, for your further edification, is
Our very first Sagittarius video:
Moving on, didja know that We have been
e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since
2001? And that the earliest dead-tree
archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small
fee) here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html
?
Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.
****************************************
In celebrity birthday
news, it is Ian Somerhalder’s birthday, so at least We have a cake to jump out
of later.
And now, as time keeps
on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future, here, in lieu of
call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is A
Reading from Madame Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
It is very good to see you again.
Time management can be a challenge, can it
not? Madame Olivia recommends simplifying where possible. She is suddenly
reminded of her high-achieving grandmother (a powerful Aries, as it happens),
who didn't bother folding laundry but merely stuffed it in the appropriate
drawer, where it lay ready for her to blindly plunge in her hand and pull out
as needed. She applied the time saved to the good work she wrought as a pillar
of her community. Is there a place in your life to simplify?
Dear Aries, Madame Olivia takes pleasure in
reminding you that the startup energy you have expended in several realms will
continue to bear fruit. Your job is to ENJOY the gifts coming your way. You
would do well, though, to stop and appreciate what you're receiving. This
counteracts complacency, and also heightens joy in the moment!
Keep your ears open for a special song
Our time together today is drawing to a close.
Madame Olivia bids you au revoir and good luck until we meet again.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and,
more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate
entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries),
which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and
won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate
in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is
absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal
blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the
Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets
and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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