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Friday, December 19, 2014

And he said you can call me Joshua

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg,  December NineInchNailsTeenst, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Aaron, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back. 

People named “Aaron” are, presumably, used to stand at the front of alphabetical lines.  Because, of course, there are so few people named “Aardvark”.

Speaking of people named things, Our WorldWideInterWebNetzian friend Josh just commented (WorldWideInterWebNetzianally, natch…on SitOnMyFaceBook, to be specific) that he finds it odd when he meets someone with the same name as his, and he has to say, “Hi, Josh”, because, sez he, “Josh isn’t a terribly common name”.

This has not been Our experience.  Although it does seem to go by age…for example, Josh is not a terribly common name amongst people Our age (twenty-four).  We do, however, have six SitOnMyFaceBook friends named Josh (including the aforementioned Josh).  Amongst people of Josh’s age (twenty-four), however, Josh is a much more common name.  Certainly every year when We assistant-teach sketch comedy class at Drexel, there is at least one Josh in the class. (Extra credit if you got that pun.)

To be a little more scienterrific about it, We Googled “top American male baby names” on Wikipedia, and learned that, for some recent two-thousand and something year, Josh was the third most popular male baby name in the US (behind Jacob and perennial favorite Michael).  So fear not, Josh…by the time you are in the old age home, you will be saying “Hi, Josh” more often than you are peeing your Depends™.

We do so enjoy making people feel better.

(Did We mention that We are pretty sure We have never met an unattractive Josh?)

This just in from another corner of the WorldWideInterWebNetz:

AMBIGUITY:  What happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.

Moving on…

We are off for one more private party event at the Murder Mystery Factory before We are outtie for the holiday.

And may We just say, cancelling plans on somebody on one of the few remaining free nights before the holiday is really…not nice.

At any rate, here is the e-pissode from last Christmas season that everybody seems (according to Our Google-O-Meter™)  to be revisiting all of a sudden:   Enjoy!

We are leaving this holiday-related bit here, in case you missed it:

On a positive note, check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award  here:  

and go to the e-ntry directly here:  

We have leapt recently into Sagittarius, Our video for which is above.  (If We had Our finger on Our ephemeris We could tell you exactly when.  (Dirty-minded Gentle Readers with limited vocabularies just went scurrying off to Google “ephemeris” on Wikipedia.  Quests for knowledge are HAWTT.))
Here is the link with which you may share Our Sagittarius video with both of your friends:  

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Sagittarius video:

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here:  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.


In celebrity birthday news, it is Alyssa Milano’s birthday. Which We could swear We just celebrated a month or two ago, but We can’t be arsed to do the research.  Also, Ansel Elgort would like you to know that he is not gay, and that he “likes girls…a lot!”  Unfortunately, he is still named “Ansel Elgort”.  Fortunately, he still looks like that.


You're sick and tired of being treated like a child, except for the sexy parts where they change your dirty, filthy diapers.


Remember: If you give in to the impulses to do whatever you want with your life, you'll become one of those happy, satisfied people you resent so much.


You may treasure the sense of mystery you have about the future, but really, learning the days of the week won't ruin the magic.


Travel and adventure are in your future this week as your captors continue crossing state lines to stay one step ahead of the law.


You'll wake up naked in a hotel bed between the corpses of a prostitute and a district attorney and have no memory of what happened, but presumably it's the same situation as last time.


You'll soon experience redoubled energy, a renewed sense of purpose, and a profound rush of confidence, proving once again that cocaine cannot be trusted.


Your sneaking feeling that people are out to get you just shows how delusional you are, as you should know damn good and well that they're out to get you.


They say lightning never strikes twice, which doesn't explain what's been happening to you at three o'clock every Wednesday for the past three months.


You always dreamed of being a human cannonball, but you had no idea that advances in artillery technology would limit your career to a very small number of appearances.


They'll say what you did to all those nurses was unspeakable and ugly, but you know in your heart they're all really just jealous.


You may have great quantities of bravado, élan, and puissance, but there's no way to be sure until you find out what those words mean.


The stars foresee many amazing things ahead of you this week, but really, they're too good to just tell you about in advance.

(Who wants cake?)       

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne
 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.