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Friday, December 12, 2014

In the meadow We can build a snowman

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg,  December Twelbst, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Walt, who turns twenty-four today somewhere over the bridge in New Jersey.

And Happy Belated Anniversary to Rene and Ed, who anniversarated yesterday. (We were the maid of honor at their wedding.)

Those of you who have had the misfortune of seeing Us recently will be shrilled and delighted to learn that We finally got Our hurrrr did yesterday, so when next you see Us, We may actually be presentable.

In other news, We shall be striving once again this evening not to lose Our job at the Murder Mystery Factory.  And how lovely is it to have a job where the best thing you can say about it is that you didn’t get fired?

In other other news, in a fit of senility, We completely forgot to post that We had posted Our post on Holidailies™ yesterday, so We posted that We had posted that post this morning, and now have to wait till this evening to post about posting this post. (They make you wait 8 hours between posts, else someone could fulfill their “daily” commitment by making 31 posts on December Oneth.)

Our hit counts were largely unaffected.

On a positive note, check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award  here:  

and go to the e-ntry directly here:  

We just watched a SitOnMyFaceBook video in which some crafty wanker cut up an egg carton to create teeny, tiny snowmen.  We actually watched it most of the way through, as, for the first three quarters or so, One couldn’t tell what the fuck they were creating. 

(Please do not fear that, if you visit Us at OurHouseWhereWeLive this holiday season, you will be greeted by a small army of egg carton snowmen.  Trust Us, you won’t.)

In other utter udder news, there is a belief system in which everything happens (A.) for a reason and (2.) exactly as it is supposed to, so there’s no sense worrying about it (or, apparently, doing anything at all), so sit back and enjoy the ride.

This belief system is not Ours.

In Our Own Personal Universe, things often (bordering on ALWAYS) happen randomly and chaotically, with the only governance being a tendency toward the worst possible outcome as pertains to Us. While We have no idea whether or not this is “exactly as it is supposed to”, We are frequently worried in advance, and usually disappointed afterwards. So when We benevolently refrain from shooting you in the face with a semi-automatic weapon when you start singing “Que Sera, Sera” after The Universe has shat upon Us yet again, you might at least acknowledge that Our disappointment is a real thing that exists.


(Also, whichever little pre-pubescent bitch just said, “What’s ‘Que Sera, Sera?’” better start running in the other direction PDQ.)

Kiss Us quick, We're Doris Day.

(Oh, no, you DI-INT say, "Who?")

And then, as if to rub salt in the wound, Our request to be sexted dick pix finally got a response yesterday.  One picture.  Of a pussy.  Thanks, The Universe.

We have leapt recently into Sagittarius, Our video for which is above.  (If We had Our finger on Our ephemeris We could tell you exactly when.  (Dirty-minded Gentle Readers with limited vocabularies just went scurrying off to Google “ephemeris” on Wikipedia.  Quests for knowledge are HAWTT.))

Here is the link with which you may share Our Sagittarius video with both of your friends:  

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Sagittarius video:

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here:  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.


In celebrity birthday news, today, on a very special episode of Blossom , it is Mayim Bialik’s birthday.

And now, because We need to go and perform Our ablutions to make Ourself presentable for being incompetent at a dinner theater, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalo0gcial) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is A Reading From Madame Olivia (We love when she talks about Uranus):

Greetings Starzina ~

Madame Olivia is pleased to see you again.

Madame Olivia has been driving herself mad thinking about the paradoxical notion that action comes before motivation. How can this be? Are you crazy, Wise Person who first said this? Don't you have to have motivation first? The answer is, unbelievably, no. The reason is simple: a tiny bit of action primes the pump and lubricates the brain; momentum gathers; and motivation builds! In fact studies seem to show that this takes 90 seconds, so yes, it's actually quantified. So instead of sitting around waiting for motivation, take a tiny bit of action in the desired direction and motivation will follow. This of course will lead to more action!

Dear Aries, with Uranus in Aries you may be feeling some serious activation, maybe pulls toward some big changes, in systems, ways of thinking, geography. These changes can be both exciting and a little scary. Madame Olivia is thinking that the best course of action for now may be a bit of wait-and-see. You don't have to make the move or come up with an answer or solution just because somebody else is in a hurry. When possible, take your time.

Bright green is going to be important

It's been wonderful being with you again. All the best to you from Madame Olivia.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne
 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.