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Thursday, December 18, 2014

Drove my pickup to the stickup but the dick cup was dry

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday’s Eve (for that “not-so-fresh” feeling),  December AteTeenst, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Gwen, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

Happy Birthday also to Melissa, who also turns twenty-four today, somewhere in, We think, Delawhere.

We were listening to a WorldWideInterWebNetzian advertisement earlier, when a revelation occurred to Us:  unless you are singing “American Pie”, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever to ever utter the word “Chevy”.

You’re welcome.

Moving on…

Our afternoon at the Murder Mystery Factory yesterday was a lot less painful than it might have been.  We have just one more such event (tomorrow), and then We are outtie for the holiday.  In between then and now, We must make OurHouseWhereWeLive presentable, as, immediately upon Our return, We are having A Very Special House Guest. (No, not THAT Very Special House Guest (although We do hope to be hosting him sometime in January).)

We have, you may have surmised, precious little to report, and miles to go before We sleep.

At any rate, here is the e-pissode from last Christmas season that everybody seems (according to Our Google-O-Meter™)  to be revisiting all of a sudden:   Enjoy!

We are leaving this holiday-related bit here, in case you missed it:

On a positive note, check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award  here:

and go to the e-ntry directly here:  

We have leapt recently into Sagittarius, Our video for which is above.  (If We had Our finger on Our ephemeris We could tell you exactly when.  (Dirty-minded Gentle Readers with limited vocabularies just went scurrying off to Google “ephemeris” on Wikipedia.  Quests for knowledge are HAWTT.))

Here is the link with which you may share Our Sagittarius video with both of your friends:  

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Sagittarius video:

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here:  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.


In celebrity birthday news, it is Brad Pitt’s birthday.  And, as if that weren’t (subjunctively) enough, it is also the birthday of someone called Josh Dallas.  Whose resume includes, We shit you not, “Prince Charming”.  Clearly, a new future ex-husband.

If you can just pay a little extra attention to that one person, all should go well for both of you. (We are too poor to pay attention.)

If it’s too much trouble, expect for life to get a lot weirder as the day progresses.  (Wait…weirder than it already is? (Don’t tell that to Our friend who’s coming over for cocktails later.))

You’ve got quite a day ahead of you, (Indeed.  Cleaning house, wrapping Christmas presents…We may faint dead away from the excitement.)

so get yourself in high gear as soon as possible. (Why can We not just ring for the maid?)

Of course, no one has ever really had to prompt you to get your show on the road, (It really IS time to get Our show back 0on the road.  LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour, coming soon to a theater near you.  (Salem, can you hear Us?))

and you’re pretty much always the first one in line. (Of course, it’s usually the wrong line, but whatevs.)

Today, though, you’re the one who’s talking everyone nearby into or out of whatever you see fit — and you should have remarkable success at it, too.  (We repeat, DON’T tell that to Our friend who’s coming over for cocktails later.)

Today is the right time to use your charm to get what you want.  (Paging Prince Charming…Prince Charming, to the white courtesy phone…)

A little harmless flirting goes a long way. (If it’s harmless, you’re not doing it right.)

Smile, laugh and let your positive body language do all the talking. (Is that what the kidz are calling it these days?)

(Who wants cake?)

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne
 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.