Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for WinesDay, December TurdyOnest, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Stephan, who turns twenty-four today right here in The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
And Happy New Years Eve to the rest of you. We Our Own Self Personally will be New Years Eveing at the Murder Mystery Factory, where the show is sold out, despite the fact that We could barely scrape together enough actors to appear in it. Also, We are still in need of a few extra bar servers to sling drinks, should you find yourself with no New Years Eve plans and in need of a few dollars.
(We are growing a little weary, quite frankly, of the Murder Mystery Factory, specifically the amount of work We have to do outside of the place, for which We are not compensated. Clearly, this is an issue with which We shall have to deal in the new year.)
Apropos of nothing, We just found out on SitOnMyFaceBook that they apparently still print TV Guide. Who knew? Also, WHY?
Speaking of hysterical reenactments AND paychecks, We are about to embark upon a directing endeavor at a local historical landmark which may be of interest, at this point, to some of Our Gentle Readers who are Fluffya actors. Herewith some info; hit Us up for more:
The Mechanical Theater seeks male and female actors for upcoming production of “She Stoops to Conquer.”
(This is the company that produced the Walker and O’Dare radio plays in which you, of course, saw Us perform, as well as this past Halloween’s sold-out run of The Masque of Poe. Info on ticket sales will follow. Be there or be square.)
In other news, here is the e-pissode from last Christmas season that everybody seems (according to Our Google-O-Meter™) to be revisiting all of a sudden: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/12/she-works-hard-for-money.html Enjoy!
And check out Our Best Of Holidailies™ Award here:
and go to the e-ntry directly here:
Here is the link with which you may share Our Capricorn video with both of your friends: http://youtu.be/m3Aa_X_HoVM
And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Capricorn video:
Upon reflection, these two videos are amongst Our much more densely-plotted cinematic efforts, due to the fact that Our director actually is a Capricorn (although quite unlike the unseen character from the videos).
We often ponder, in the endless time afforded to Us by the fact that We are almost universally ignored, how many of Our Gentle Readers actually realize that, if viewed in order, Our videos actually have ongoing plots and storylines. Then, of course, We realize that Our Gentle Readers are all imaginary, and we curl up into the fetal position…
Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001? And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html ?
Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.
In celebrity birthday news, it is Val Kilmer’s birthday. Of which We were unaware earlier, when SitOnMyFaceBook informed Us that he would be starring as Tony Soprano in a Sopranos reboot/prequel. We are fairly certain We Do Not Approve.
We DO, on the other hand (or some such body part) approve of Olympic gymnast Jonathan Horton, also having a birthday today. Not to mention a birthday suit.
Now is the time to snap into action (That sentence is a lot snappier when rewritten s “Snap on your Snap-On™ Tools and snap into Teenage Mutant Ninja Snapping Turtle action!” Just sayin’.)
(You’re viZZZualizing that now, aren’t you? Perverts.)
— you’re not going to get another opportunity like this for quite some time! (Insert “opportunity’s knockers” joke here.)
Your energy is perfect (Um…have you MET Us?)
for making a move (Or a movie?)
(Speaking of movies, We scheduled Our Own damn self to work tonight. (Not that there was anyone else to do it, but still…) Why the hell We’re not sitting home watching The Poseidon Adventure, We’ll never know.)
and getting others to do the same, if necessary. (Why would We care if other people are making a movie? Are We in it?)
Letting your mind be quiet has encouraged all sorts of brilliant new ideas to germinate inside your head — and today they start to sprout. (Okay, izzit just Us, or does that sound revolting?)
The crazier the notion, the more likely it will be successful, (Mmm-hmm. ‘Cause that’s worked out so well so far.)
so listen to yourself (Sorry, did We say something?)
(Heh…see what We did there? Honestly, the humor in here is so deeply layered and multifaceted, even We don’t get it.)
— don’t edit or pare down at all. (Since when do We ever edit? Ain’t nobody got time for that.)
Follow wherever curiosity leads you, (Like to the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant?)
(That one might take you a second….THERE ya go!)
and sparkling inspiration will smack you in the face. (How rude! (Sparkling Inspiration is a stripper, yes?))
The more random your activities are now, the better. (Lovely.)
Why not head out into the world with no plan other than to be spontaneous and keep your eyes peeled? (Because (A.) We have to work tonight, Friday, and Saturday, and (2.) We’d much rather keep other people’s eyes peeled. With a potato peeler.)
The world is yours to enjoy and explore. (We’re just gonna leave that steaming pile of crap alone.)
(Who wants cake?)
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.