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Friday, December 5, 2014

Oh-ho they’re playing our song

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg,  December Fivest, 2014.

Happy Birthday to Katie, who turns twenty-four today, right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.

Also, Happy Birthday to Rose, who also turns twenty-four today in the suburbs of The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.

And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday to Ren, who probably does not even turn twenty-four today, somewhere on this planet, We know not where, as he appears, by way of SitOnMyFaceBook, to be on some sort of world tour. 

Speaking of non sequiturs, We had a dream last night that had Lucie Arnaz in it. We were eating pizza together.  (Not crappy pizza, as in Our dream from the other day, which see: ) In bed.  Not in a sexual way, mind you, but in Our sweat pants.  Which sounds, now that We type it out, like a dream that Jeffery Self would have.  Except that his dream would have Debra Messing.  And Thai food.  And yoga pants.

Never mind.

So here We are on Day Five of Holidailies™ ( ) , for which We only just yesterday realized We had been omitting the trademark symbol (mea culpa, Mia Farrow, cry me a river).  So it occurred to Us that We ought to just drop in to see what condition Our condition was in.

Our very-first-ever entry two years ago ( has 503 hits. 


We were going to be abbreviated today at any rate, as We are off to tape a television interview with the WaitStaff this afternoon, followed by a performance at the Murder Mystery Factory tonight.  Where, as We mentioned recently, We still need an actor, female, 20s-30s, any ethnicity, to play a soap opera star in several daytime private shows.  Paid gig, holla at Us.

For those who are keeping track, We have still received no sexts.  From Colorado, or anywhere else.

Speaking of birthdays, (and of Prince Harry’s birthday suit (as One does)) , We have leapt recently into Sagittarius, Our video for which is above.  (If We had Our finger on Our ephemeris We could tell you exactly when.  (Dirty-minded Gentle Readers with limited vocabularies just went scurrying off to Google “ephemeris” on Wikipedia.  Quests for knowledge are HAWTT.))

Here is the link with which you may share Our Sagittarius video with both of your friends:  

And here, for your further edification, is Our very first Sagittarius video:

Moving on, didja know that We have been e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since 2001?  And that the earliest dead-tree archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small fee) here:  ? 

Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.

In celebrity birthday news, Walt Disney and Martin van Buren were both born today.  One had a profound effect on American culture.  The other one was a President.

And now, as We must go and make Ourself camera-ready, here, in lieu of call-and-response with AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is A Reading from Madame Olivia:

Greetings Starzina ~

It is very good to see you again.

Time management can be a challenge, can it not? Madame Olivia recommends simplifying where possible. She is suddenly reminded of her high-achieving grandmother (a powerful Aries, as it happens), who didn't bother folding laundry but merely stuffed it in the appropriate drawer, where it lay ready for her to blindly plunge in her hand and pull out as needed. She applied the time saved to the good work she wrought as a pillar of her community. Is there a place in your life to simplify?

Dear Aries, Madame Olivia takes pleasure in reminding you that the startup energy you have expended in several realms will continue to bear fruit. Your job is to ENJOY the gifts coming your way. You would do well, though, to stop and appreciate what you're receiving. This counteracts complacency, and also heightens joy in the moment!

Keep your ears open for a special song

Our time together today is drawing to a close. Madame Olivia bids you au revoir and good luck until we meet again.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne
 (Your Your-O-Scopes:

 (Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.