Hello, Ducks!
Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your
Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for FriedEgg, December
Fivest, 2014.
Happy Birthday to Katie, who turns
twenty-four today, right here in The City Of Brotherly Love Handles.
Also, Happy Birthday to Rose, who also turns
twenty-four today in the suburbs of
The City That Loves You (On Your) Back.
And last but not Lee Strasberg, Happy Birthday
to Ren, who probably does not even turn twenty-four today, somewhere on this
planet, We know not where, as he appears, by way of SitOnMyFaceBook, to be on
some sort of world tour.
Speaking of non sequiturs, We had a dream
last night that had Lucie Arnaz in it. We were eating pizza together. (Not crappy pizza, as in Our dream from the
other day, which see: http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/12/im-like-bird.html
) In bed. Not in a sexual way, mind you,
but in Our sweat pants. Which sounds,
now that We type it out, like a dream that Jeffery Self would have. Except that his dream would have Debra
Messing. And Thai food. And yoga pants.
Never mind.
So here We are on Day Five of Holidailies™ ( http://www.holidailies.org/ ) , for
which We only just yesterday realized We had been omitting the trademark symbol
(mea culpa, Mia Farrow, cry me a river).
So it occurred to Us that We ought to just drop in to see what condition
Our condition was in.
Our very-first-ever entry two years ago (http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2012/12/i-got-my-high-heels-i-dont-need-no.html)
has 503 hits.
Our first entry from last
year (http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2013/12/dick-your-balls-with-buddy-holly.html)
has 109.
Our first entry this year ( http://ericsdailyhoroscope.blogspot.com/2014/12/here-comes-rich-man-in-his-big-long.html)
? 52.
Sigh.
We were going to be abbreviated today at any
rate, as We are off to tape a television interview with the WaitStaff this afternoon,
followed by a performance at the Murder Mystery Factory tonight. Where, as We mentioned recently, We still
need an actor, female, 20s-30s, any ethnicity, to play a soap opera star in
several daytime private shows. Paid gig,
holla at Us.
For those who are keeping track, We have
still received no sexts. From Colorado,
or anywhere else.
Speaking of birthdays, (and of Prince Harry’s
birthday suit (as One does)) , We have leapt recently into Sagittarius, Our
video for which is above. (If We had Our
finger on Our ephemeris We could tell you exactly when. (Dirty-minded Gentle Readers with limited
vocabularies just went scurrying off to Google “ephemeris” on Wikipedia. Quests for knowledge are HAWTT.))
Here is the link with which you may share Our
Sagittarius video with both of your friends:
http://youtu.be/6f1m5GLfk1Y
And here, for your further edification, is
Our very first Sagittarius video:
Moving on, didja know that We have been
e-pisstling e-pissodes of these e-pisstles in one form or another since
2001? And that the earliest dead-tree
archival records from 2004 are now TEN YEARS OLD, and can be found (for a small
fee) here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-singel/erics-daily-horoscope-2004/paperback/product-300894.html
?
Thank Gawd We didn’t stray from the point.
****************************************
In celebrity birthday
news, Walt Disney and Martin van Buren were both born today. One had a profound effect on American
culture. The other one was a President.
And now, as We must go
and make Ourself camera-ready, here, in lieu of call-and-response with
AssHatted Ass(tromalogical) Ho(roscopulist) Kelli is A Reading from Madame
Olivia:
Greetings Starzina ~
It is very good to see you again.
Time management can be a challenge, can it
not? Madame Olivia recommends simplifying where possible. She is suddenly
reminded of her high-achieving grandmother (a powerful Aries, as it happens),
who didn't bother folding laundry but merely stuffed it in the appropriate
drawer, where it lay ready for her to blindly plunge in her hand and pull out
as needed. She applied the time saved to the good work she wrought as a pillar
of her community. Is there a place in your life to simplify?
Dear Aries, Madame Olivia takes pleasure in
reminding you that the startup energy you have expended in several realms will
continue to bear fruit. Your job is to ENJOY the gifts coming your way. You
would do well, though, to stop and appreciate what you're receiving. This
counteracts complacency, and also heightens joy in the moment!
Keep your ears open for a special song
Our time together today is drawing to a close.
Madame Olivia bids you au revoir and good luck until we meet again.
Namaste, MotherFuckers.
In gaseousness,
Starzina Starfish-Browne
(Your Your-O-Scopes:
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think
of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say
(and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical)
ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our
Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better
by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own
lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets,
planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam,
jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
*****************************************************************************
Starzina
Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not
really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician
and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her
humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show
and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this
unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course,
an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera
Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her
doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality.
There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has
Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on
the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian
helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her
daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she
enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the
coxswain of the Penn rowing team.
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