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Friday, September 23, 2011

Gypsies, tramps, and counterrevolutionaries

Greetings, Earnest RevolutionaryIdolizes Che ---

(Micro$oft  Weird™ appears not to know who Che is, suggesting, if you can imagine, that We replace him with Cher. The revolution is gonna be a whole different ballgame with gowns by Bob Mackie.)

Here is your horoscope for Thursday, September 23, 2010 (After ten years and twenty seasons, CBS moved Survivor from Thursday to Wednesday.  Now We never know what the fu(k day it is anymore.):

(In other news, you can go here  to get FIVE DOLLAR tickets to see the WaitStaff’s Real Housewives of South Philly at the Wilmington Fringe.  Also, We are appearing this Saturday night at 7PM in some theater at Ursinus College for the low, low price of FREE. Are We two-bit wh0res, or what? (If you will be in the vicinity of Uranus College, ask Us for actual details.))

(Speaking of wh0ring, here’s Everybody’s Favorite Messiah, Jesus H. Christ, with His YouTube video:



You won't see it unless you've got a keen eye for details and subtle signals, but there is most definitely a major change coming your way -- and soon. (Oh, please.  In Our life, “major change” means We found a nickel in the gutter instead of a penny.)

Pay attention, (I’m sorry…what?)

(Heh.  See what We did there?  We got a million of ‘em. (Mainly because nobody will pay for ‘em, and We can’t even give ‘em away.))

and think of what you could accomplish over the next two weeks if you really put your mind to it.  (Yeah, but what happened to “a mind is a terrible thing to waste”?)

You've had all the bickering you can stand. (Although We could certainly do with a good dickering. And it’s high time We hung out with friends on Pickering Wharf.  Presumably while liquoring, dickering optional.  (Dunno ‘bout you, but We clearly feel another children’s book coming on.))

You're ready to deliver an extremely terse good-bye. (You say goodbye, and We say hello.  Hello, hello.  We don’t know why you say goodbye; We say hello.  (Oh…did We get that song stuck in your wittle heads?  Too bad, so sad, @nal s3x with your dad.))

Just be sure you don't rush out immediately to find yourself another worthy opponent.  (If they are opposed to Us, they are, by definition, UNworthy.  Don’t you know who We think We are?)

Better grab power naps while you can. (In between gingersnaps, while wearing stocking caps, and emptying lobster traps.  (Again with a NewEnglandese reference.  We really should hurry and get there before they close for the winter…))

 In two short weeks, (Wait…they’re shortening the weeks now?)

you'll need all the energy you can muster. (Yeah, We’re not so much on the mustering.)

Oh, and vitamins wouldn't be a bad idea, either.  (Also, cocaine.  (We are marching to Euphoria…))

(Your YOUR-O-Scopes):
Cowgrass…melts in your mouth, not in your hands)