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Friday, September 2, 2011

Somewhere over the rainbow

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s Daily Horoscope for Friday, September 02, 2011.

Just a quick note to thank all those who inquired after Our well-being when We disappeared from the InterNetz for an entire week.  Oh, wait…

In still other news, do you have your tickets to The Wedding Consultant yet? It is opening night, and the cast is not speaking to each other.  Should be a hell of a cast party.

And for all you smutty smut-loving smut-lovers, here’s this:

No actual horoscope today; We are just letting you know that We Are back.

Here, however, is a little trivia question:  what do the following celebrities have in common? Tom Cruise, Bill Clinton, Donny and Marie Osmond, and Judy Garland.

 (Your YOUR-O-Scopes:
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.