Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for GoodPieRupeeTuesday, November 26rd, 2013. Happy Birthday to Michael, who turns twenty-four today somewhere in Greater Bostonia. Also, Happy Birthday to Steven, who also turns twenty-four today, somewhere in Greater New Jerseya. Also too, Happy Birthday to Jane, who also too turns twenty-four today, also too (We think) somewhere in Greater New Jerseya, albeit elsewhere.
Lettuce just assume (thereby showing Uma Thurman’s ass to Hume Cronyn (which is no mean feat, considering he’s dead)) that We’ve made a “nausea” joke out of “Greater New Jerseya” and move on, shall We?
We really must hurry on apace, both willy and nilly, as We have a JAWB today. In Berlin. (Before you faint dead away from the glamour of it all, We shall hasten to add that We mean Berlin, New Jerseya. Yes, indeed, ladies and genitals, today, We shall get to ride not only SEPTA but also PATCO, following which We shall be whisked away from Lindenwold in a specially commissioned taximeter cabriolet to beautiful downtown Berlin, where a scant half hour of Our time is worth a hundred dollars. Much like the cheap hooker that We aspire to be.)
We are fairly certain that We were in elementary school (which is odd, the internal combustion engine not having been invented yet) when We first learned that “taxi cab” was short for “taximeter cabriolet”. How glamorous! One can only imagine Sherlock Holmes, as played, of course, by Basil Rathbone, crying out, “Quick, Watson, the game is afoot! Lettuce hire a taximeter cabriolet at once!”
Of course, if your name were (subjunctively) Basil Rathbone, you’d probably say things like, “Lettuce hire a taximeter cabriolet at once!” even when you weren’t playing Sherlock Holmes, but that’s beside the point.
If only We had more time, We could delve further into all these games with feet Holmes was always playing, and analyze his obvious foot fetish.
Speaking of the weekend, We moved into Sagittarius during it, which means that We are once again sharing with you Our very most favoritest Starzina’s Time of the Month Horoscope video with you (see above). Here is the link with which you may share it with others: http://youtu.be/6f1m5GLfk1Y You’re welcome.
Meanwhile, may We please tell you (mais oui) that Bryan still has no idea that all last week was Picturing Bryan’s Birthday Suit Week? Whatever has happened to these children’s social media addictions?
And here’s the HorrorScope:
It is not Basil Rathbone’s birthday. It is, however, Tina Turner’s. Howzzat for a non sequitur?
Also, in honor of the upcoming holiday, you will notice above a picture of Marlo Thomas with a turkey. You’re welcome.
In the interests of expediting the proceedings, instead of AssHatt Kelli’s blatherings, today A Reading From Madame Olivia:
Greetings Eric ~
Hello again. Madame Olivia is happy to receive you.
Madame Olivia would like to point out to you that numerous studies show that people who strongly value the pursuit of wealth and possessions report lower psychological well-being than people who are less concerned with these things. You are clearly not an über-materialist, but perhaps some thinking about this is in order, in the interest of, you know, balance. And perspective.
Well, dear Aries, Madame Olivia can see that you are venturing into some new territory these days, which is perfectly consistent with the planetary movement: think Uranus. Despite your much-vaunted esprit, you too are sometimes assailed by doubts. Go ahead and entertain them: some choices loom in the near future which merit close inspection. Just because people are expecting you to leap in doesn't mean either that you must or that it's a good idea right now. Let your head rule your heart in the coming days.
Phrase of the hour: Let it be Bryan's Birthday Suit
It has been a pleasure being with you. Madame Olivia wishes you all the best until we meet again.
“Think Uranus.” Ya gotta love her!
(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!). For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here: http://sett.com/astrogeek895/. Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons. Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)
Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.