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Friday, November 8, 2013

One mo’ time!

Hello, Ducks!

Starzina Starfish-Browne here with your Eric’s! Daily! Horoscope! for Friday, November 8st, 2013.

It is nobody’s birthday, SitOnMyFaceBook seems to be irretrievably busted, and the weather outside is frightful.  Thank Gawd It’s MuthaFuckin’ Friday!

Actually, We are so worn out from the excitement of yesterday’s Bryan’s Birthday Suit Bustin’-Out-His-BVD™s Birthday Party that We simply do not have a fuck to give today.  In fact, so pronounced is the absence of fucks that We have to give that We are going to simply refer you to an instant replay of yesterday’s festivities and tell you to peace the fuck out.  Here ya go:

Not even the fact that it is Parker Posey's birthday seems to be able to motivate Us.

We cannot, of course, neglect to mention one last time that The Little Show That Could, LOOKING FOR URANUS: Starzina Starfish-Browne’s Comeback Tour ,  will be returning for one night only this coming Sunday, November 10 at 7:30 at L’Etage.  Get your tickets here:

And here is the HorrorScope, courtesy of Madame Olivia:

Greetings Eric ~

A warm welcome back to Madame Olivia.

You face decisions every day, some small, some large and important. After the analyzing, the examination of values, the listing of pros and cons, all of which are hugely valuable, one last operation should be applied: sanity testing. Ask yourself does this make sense? It's amazing what an important and telling question this is. Try it.

Dear Aries, Madame Olivia is in awe of your innate power. She would like to remind you that pioneer Uranus is in your sign right now, so you might well find yourself in new situations with new things being asked of you. You + opportunity = change for the good, to the benefit of all. Go for it.

Word of the day: explore

Godspeed and good wishes from Madame Olivia until next time.

Namaste, MotherFuckers.

In gaseousness,

Starzina Starfish-Browne

(Your Your-O-Scopes:

(Meanwhile, why We didn’t think of this sooner, We’ve got no idea, but better laid than necking, as they say (and how right they are!).  For real live actual ass(tromlaogical) ho(roscopular) advice, please visit Our good friend AstroGeek here:  Our Own epistular musings are of use to you only insofar as making you feel better by comparison, but he will give you actual pertinent advice for your very own lives, based on upon the positions and transitations of all manner of planets, planetoids, asteroids, Altoids™, hemorrhoids, and other heavenly flotsam, jetsam, and Jetsons.  Plus, he knows all about Uranus!)


Starzina Starfish-Browne was born in the wagon of a traveling show…well, okay, not really. She was actually born in Lowake, Texas, the daughter of a beautician and either a garage mechanic or the town mailman. At sixteen, she escaped her humble beginnings by running off with Doctor Browne’s Traveling Medicine Show and, more to the point, Doctor Browne. Following the dissolution of this unfortunate entanglement (Doctor Browne was a Virgo and Starzina is, of course, an Aries), which produced a daughter, Starzina entered a contest in Soap Opera Digest and won a scholarship to Oxford (yes, in ENGLAND), where she earned her doctorate in the newly-created dual major of Astrology and Human Sexuality. There is absolutely NO TRUTH to the rumor that Starzina’s second daughter has Royal blood, despite tabloid photographs allegedly depicting her cavorting on the Italian Riviera with Princes William and Harry, clad only in Prussian helmets and armbands of questionable taste. Starzina currently resides with her daughters in Philadelphia, the City That Loves You (On Your) Back, where she enjoys Double Coupon Day at the local SuperCruise and “encouraging” the coxswain of the Penn rowing team.